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Who's Anna?
A smile cracked in your face,
the bones of a life still walking.
I know what lures you.
Its purity you want,
but it won't make you cleaner.
the solid world will let you go, all too easily.
This is sadness personified,
you want to hold your childhood in your shape-
but time will not let you be.
I know the disgust you feel
everyminute everyday,
the longing to be free.
Little limbs will shake under the strain of living,
and your concentration wavers
as the weakness takes it's hold.
You withdraw yourself
little pieces at a time,
fade into the background and
slip quietly out of reach.
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| I really like the opening line bcause it sets the mood for the rest. Sorry but you have used the wrong form of its. (Shouldn't be a contraction) The primary thing I appreciate here is the rhythm of the lines and how the whole thing flows. Good! |
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Comment by: ac7904 - 2007-12-29 08:08
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It's excellent.
This is the tragedy that takes place for too much of humanity, fading into darkness, living "quiet lives of desperation". How can Anna possibly hold onto purity? Purity means retreat, isolation. How time and age tear us all. |
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| Dark and haunting, as other people have described it. I particularly liked the "sadness personified" stanza. We all know we can't be innocent forever. Nice job. |
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Comment by: Aria - 2007-07-16 20:43
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Its purity you want,
but it won't make you cleaner.
i like those lines the best. good work |
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| This poem stays with one long after the read. I read your comment about anorexia but I think this transcends just that. It becomes a more general statement about not wanting to let go of our childhood and the pressures of adulthood that face us. Excellent job. |
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