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marinka
marinka swift
United States, california, undecided

Words: 296
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Fearing the Stillness

Mandy and me were playing house when Dad came
He picked me up he was talking fast he took me we left
Dad picked me up and touched his eyes a lot and talked fast he wouldn't let me walk to the car
he drove fast I was confused we had to go fast
Donna fell off the horse
we had to move fast Dad said
but I didn't know why
I didn't know till I saw her and she was quiet and Dad was talking fast
and she just stared down at her toes and her toes were sticking out of the sheets
because she told me to lift the sheets so I did
and she was quiet and just stared at her toes
her toes were pale and the whole time Dad kept talking fast and Donna was quiet
and stared at the pale toes
and they never moved
she kept staring though
She told me to put lotion on those cracked pale feet because
because she couldn't reach and she said they needed the lotion
just in case- just in case they could feel it
she said she said her feet might know there was no lotion on them
and she didn't want them to ever know that
so I put lotion on those cracked feet and I hated the smell of it
it wasn't pretty smelling like her old lotion
it smelt like Doctors and clean stuff
But Donna was right and we promised to never let those cracking feet know
we promised and they don't know they don't always have lotion on them
and we can tell because they still haven't moved
but Donna still stares just in case they start knowing

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Comments  
Comment by: - 2006-09-21 18:42
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This was good, like from a little girls perspective.... and when you were talking about the dad talking fast.... it makes the pace of the poem fast... and I really liked that! The only thing is, is that at the end, I still did not understand. You left the readers still clueless as the little girl. I think that maybe (not asking you to change your poetry, because it is yours not mine, just a suggestion, and I hate it when people do that to me) you should clue to readers in to what happend... was she dead, in accoma, paralyzd? But otherwize great poem! I really enjoyed it!!!

~Princess Padge
1

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By marinka

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