A lot of people have asked to see some kind of excert from the book, and thats fine, so here is Chapter 1 -

'Mum's died!'�
The words from my older brother Garon, on the end of the phone, cut right through me, as I struggled to take in what he was saying, while my eighty-two-year-old Nan sat shell shocked beside me, making disbelieving noises like l'd never heard coming from her mouth before.
Everything seemed to slow down. What was happening? What was l hearing? This wasn't real, yet it was something l had imagined, and envisaged for years. I had always imagined hearing the worst news of my life, that as a young man, in my teens, or twenties, l'd hear that, for whatever reason, Mum had died. I imagined how l would handle that news, how it would affect my life, and how l would get over it.
Now that news had come.

Life had just become very surreal yet l felt calm and composed, whilst thoughts raced through my mind and as l stood there, phone in hand, l struggled with what to ask next.
'What happened?'� was the most natural response l could think of, whilst speaking slowly and calmly making sure l could take every thing in.
'I'm at the hospital, it looks like tablets,'� my brother replied. This can't be. I was with her just nine hours ago. We laughed, she smiled, she was happy as she dropped me off at the train station, telling me she loved me before l gave her a kiss goodbye, and ran off to catch a train home that l was sure l was late for. I remember calling her as l jumped on at King's Cross with seconds to spare, telling her l hadn't missed it, and wouldn't be late for my job interview, near my home in Leeds. She told me she would call me at my Nan's around nine o'clock to see how it went. She was normal. She was just how she always seemed. Not someone who was hours away from taking an overdose and dying in the very north London hospital l was born in.
There were so many questions in my head, spinning in that few seconds, yet l couldn't prioritise them in order to ask them. I listened as my brother struggled with the words, explaining that he was at the hospital with Mum's fiancé, Jack, how he'd received a call saying Mum was being taken to hospital, and how he'd rushed there to be told by doctors that they had tried everything, but there was nothing more they could have done.
The rest of the brief conversation was all but a blur. I just remember saying l would be back down to London first thing in the morning.
As I hung up the phone it hit me. The woman l adored more than anything in the world, the person who raised me, loved me, guided me and helped me through my first twenty-four-and-a half-years of life was gone . . . and was never coming back.

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