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i'm calling you (3rd draft)
I heard what you said
In anger and hate
Give me back my life
I don't want to be dead
I wish I can agree
to give what is mine
you scream and you cry
I wish I was kind
I tried to explain
But you don't understand
You tell me to leave
But that's not my plan
Try to believe me
I never meant to hurt you
But if I do a little
It's really nothing new
please stop crying
You know this has to end
I must finish my job
I have rules I cannot bend
soon you begin to realise
there's nowhere else to go
this is the way it has to be
life is just a show
Now the time has come
and you begin to fly
Your body's cold and empty
That's what happen when you die
This is not a sweet job, I know
Helping everyone to die
Please to meet you, my name is Death
If I call you next, please do reply
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| I like this because it's real. Nothing seems contrived, or thought out to the point where words lose their meaning inside some forced idea meant to sound pretty and well constructed. This seems to be read as it is thought- like a lovely stream of consciousness, but much more structured and well delivered. I like your style- thanks for the read! |
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| This is a wonderful poem. Not being on the rhyming, but you make it work. It reads incredibly well. |
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| I really love this poem, I love the ending, I thought this poem was great. ~Sarah |
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| I honestly read it twice so I can fully fathom it. Great work and the above is my favorite. Wonderful imagery and I learn a few points on writing poetry. Great work nonetheless |
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Comment by: rjaye21 - 2007-01-04 09:21
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| It has a really suprising twist at the end as I wasn't quite sure what the poem was about until I reached the last two stanzas. Well done. |
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