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numb
I am numb to all feelings-
that's what I said.
he keeps toying with me
he has me set up
but it hurts,
it really really hurts...
Sometimes,
I forget that it is just play
never thinking of his attempt
so, I say that I am numb
yes, numb
but-
never before have I been so full of feelings.
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Comment by: - 2006-10-03 14:49
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| I like the twist of the last four lines. you have a plot and it is really interesting then the last four lines really plows it home! interesting... i enjoyed! |
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i like how straight forward this is...
" never before have i been so full of feelings"
nice. |
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| I think this would be made a lot better if you showed the readers what you were saying, rather than told them. I think people would be able to relate to this a lot easier if we could see images of the pain. |
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| The emotion does pour out of this one in a very direct way. For all intents and purpose it is not negative for a poem to be full of emotion, its more down to how you use it. So actually, you have here a very good starting point to redefine the way you use emotion. Good work so far, just take time to do plenty revision. |
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Comment by: Jawa - 2006-09-26 14:22
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| These poems are done with emotion but would be better if what you're feeling was in the poem as a subtle hint rather than an obvious cry of pain. |
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