I try to build you up,
Stick your deadened toes together with paste,
Dig through my toybox,
And with lusty pride, stick on a bauble,
Crown you the glory of my dressing table.

I try to break you down,
Break up the tinkle of china and the mumbles of talk,
Smash bash crash
Reel you in with a fishing rod,
Hang you over some parapet,
You're like my jigsaw,
I can't find the corner pieces,
I can't find the centre.
Spinning, spinning, into
(out of)
your arms.

I try to hide you from myself
(try to keep you hands away from my youth)
When I have a bath
The taps spatter muddy water,
I drench my many skins,
(grown to keep you out)
(grown to keep me in)
And I cry when I look at my old toys,
And remember the way you played me,
Like a card game,
(King of Hearts)
The toys I played with to preserve my innocence,
Trying to keep something from my baby day.

I try to build you up,
I try to break you down,
I try to prise with a screwdriver,
Into the crooks and crannies of you.
Trying to tickle a weak spot.

One day I'll give up,
And let you skim the highway,
Looking for some more carpet cleaner in your flask,
Another pair of underwear to hang over your belt,
(scalped yet again?)
But I want you back.

I can taste the cotton in my mouth,
I can taste the steel against my jaw,
I watch you soar along the horizon,
I'm still a child,
(are you not a woman?)
I'm still alive,
(Are you? Are you?)

Chugging carpet cleaner.
Slipping notes through your letterbox.
I think I'd better stop now.

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