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To the night janitor
After the last light,
the hard bend in the waist
tight pants,
thoughts wadded
and wrinkled. Just-
ice swept
beneath tough bristles.
Sounds! Chittering
fragments
like glass ball-
room dancers bitten
in midstep.
Listen to them!
Waltzing down Goose-
pecker Ridge.
Remember the way
Babe Knight slid
when you let
loose the ice fisted
missle and just
skinned him?
God! Wasn't that
something? Legs up
ended, split,
lips glistening, and'¦
that black face smeared
over the window
your own damn maw.
Take next to for-
ever to be done.
Set some traps, shut
the light and
move on.
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| Great tight read. Lots of first rate imagery. |
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Comment by: - 2006-10-04 04:37
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Damn if this isn't one of the BEST I've read here or anywhere. As reader I want to thank you poet- for giving me the names and fragments of lives lived, for the rich challenge of the details and descriptions, the artfull words how you've strung them together and left the string knotted and tangled and frayed (by punctuation- by allowing my curiosity but not answering it etc.) and for crafting a bit of magic that's beside even yourself and the readers.
I trust you feel the awe behind my struggle to feedback the affect. |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-10-03 08:06
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| While I agree with Greensleaves about the phrases and images, I have to say the hyphenated words really interrupted the flow for me. I had to stop, go back, figure out what the word was, and this really threw me off. I'm not sure, either, what many of this means, but the images I did get were wonderful. Again, though, IMO, the hyphenated words don't work. It's probably me. :) T. xo |
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| Wow! This is really strong. It's a tongue twister, I read it out loud and it sounds incredible, if you can read it as written! The jagged and crashing sounds of the words really lend a hand to the slap in the face tone of the poem. I really love a lot of the phrasing too, though I can't quite say I get it all. The second line introduced the jarring nature of some of your phrase turnings, it's really fresh and interesting. Keeps you thinking and involved in the story... great rhythmic pull as well. This is a great image heavy, narrative poem, with great commentary quality as well. Thanks for sharing! |
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