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death2sicochild
sorky zelvar
United States, oklahoma, tulsa

Words: 165
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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lost hopes

my soul bleeds when i'm sad,
i want to kill myself when i get mad,
my emotions take over me and slit my throat,
i've lost all passion,i've lost all hope,
i thought i could fix it,
but i've burned the rope,
and now there's nothing there when you have nowhere to go,
i thought i had my life in my own hands,
but it turns out life was killing me slowly by every second,
i bled from my eyes and saw a black rose,
i'm hope to die hopeless,
because i dont want to die with false hopes,
if i die by suicide,
it'll be ok cause then i'll know it was my time to go, lock me up and torture my soul,
let me scream for my life cause i have nothing else to hold,
i want to die in heaven but can i die in hell,
i want to die happily or do i want to die with nothing to tell...

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Comments  
frani Comment by: frani - 2006-10-03 06:34
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This is a strong piece with a lot of emotion and I completely agree with InHizImage. Break up the lines - maybe after each comma - and format the piece to poetry... Each idea and emotion will come through much stronger and it will read easier.
InHizImage Comment by: InHizImage - 2006-10-03 06:26
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Sorky, I'd strongly suggest putting this into a formatted piece. Break up the lines, add some accurate puctuation- just my opinion, but this is hard to read and follow the flow without doing so.
Yvylyn
Good write nonetheless
1

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By death2sicochild

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