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Thoughts and Dreams
There was a time I was able to say
“Everything's alright” and believe it that way
But pain, I've found, just has a way
Of making you think that tomorrow's today
It's now at the point where I stop finding myself
And start wishing I was someone else
But that's just the way of thoughts and of dreams
And many other unimportant things
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Comment by: - 2006-10-06 21:27
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I Liked :
But pain, I've found, just has a way
Of making you think that tomorrow's today
...
a whole lot. this poem was good. i enjoyed my read! |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-10-05 19:15
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| Nice, clean work with a lot said in few lines. I love the last two lines in the first stanza as well. Wonderful job. Thanks for sharing. T. |
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Comment by: Juan2 Online- 2006-10-05 12:08
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Short and poignant. You use the rhyme scheme very, very well here. The loose sort of feel it has compliments the theme of dreaminess, but the words you use are concrete and keep the reader grounded in the message you want to convey of an innocence lost as life moves on.
You may want to break it into two stanzas, 4 lines each. Might give it more of that airy feel of thoughts and dreams while also providing a clear visual of the element of transition.
Happy Writings. |
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Quite a playful piece on a feeling that others have felt at some time or another. It reads well, like a momentary thought that was jotted down in a journal.
I love these 2 lines:
But pain, I've found, just has a way
Of making you think that tomorrow's today |
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"But pain, I've found, just has a way"
and lose the commas in the last line.
Very thought-provoking in such few words. |
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