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the dream begins in tranquility
zephyr breezes kicking earth about
phantoms of dust dance in the duskline
as darkness lowers her shroud
tides of darkness cover pale forms
as sacred moonlight bathes the earth
silver moonlight pierces midnight
silent lyre now echoes lore
of the long forgotten tears of hope
splashing upon blackened seas
marring the ghostly figures
till the moons reflection returns
perfect on earth and heavens
ringed by starlight celestial
or crimson forms terrestrial
O' heavens above
or earth below
your gate is now opened
by the moons gracious will
its crescent beams bridging zurvan
when at long last an arm is raised
the sunlight lifts itself from the horizon
laying waste to the night-calmed land
erasing the nights tapestry
with a hurricane of fire
the dream is lost to eternity
till the cool hand of night
descends upon the earth once again
and the dreaming flower
blossoms on the night-soaked plains
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Thanks for the comments! I will be sending this to the chopping block in a bit to clean it up and clarify some portions. I will keep the feedback in mind.
I agree with the previous comment that the imagery and alliteration are excellent in this poem. One of the best examples of this was "silent lyre now echoes lore." --Robert Barlow
Very interesting. I really love your imagery! But I would like to see stanzas broken up. I realize that punctuation isn't always necessary or even desired in poetry and that it is largely the preference of the author, but I think you need some to help break this up a bit. I also really like your use of alliteration, but it seems lopsiding because it's only at the beginning; to me, poetry is not only the words used, but also the visual cues -- how it sits upon the paper -- so perhaps I am too picky. Overall, I really like it and look forward to reading more.
