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Haiku
Lotus
the fragile lotus
lightly dressed in morning dew
shines through the darkness
a beacon of life renewed
or the endless march to death
Spring
and when spring is born
waving to the dawn lit skies
cherry blossoms fall
a gift to the new season
a sacrifice for new hope
Lost Stream
the night darkened stream
weaving her way though the darkness
caresses rivers marge
sliding though the forest floor
to a distant land unknown
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Tanka (though I saw both spelling on the internet). 5, 7, 5, 7, 7, so the last one will be easy enough to fix. Here is a link: http://www.clemusart.com/educef/asianodyssey/pdf/tankahs.pdf
They are all very nice, but my favorite is "Lotus."
In "Lost Stream," second line, you could take out "the,"to easily fix the syllable count. "Carresses rivers marge" doesn't seem to fit at all, and when reading it out loud, it's very awkward to say. |
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| Ah, thanks for the info! I will update the title. As for the structure yes, I was experimenting with some strange offshoot of Haiku (Tonka maybe? To lazy to check...). |
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Comment by: - 2006-10-03 14:30
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firstly : haikus is haiku even when there is 100! :) ( if you want you could put "some" infront of it to let people know there are more then one! :) - being helpful!!!
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I've enjoyed how you did your's. totally off the structure and rhythem! wonderful! I enjoyed. they were very good. more fragmented poetry, then haiku, but what the hell... right?! :)
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I liked them all the same. they were very good! Enjoyed Much! |
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