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I was swimming through the sea
When I saw a fish looking at me
He lead me through a game of chase
And had a look of excitment on his face
As we swam through the sea
Passed Coral, Seaweed and an Anemone
We stopped to take
A little break
So many colors and so many sights
We swam through the day and all through the nights
Until we were tired and could play no more
We stopped to lye on the shore
And watched the sunrise
It happened right before our eyes
Before to long we fell asleep
And in our dreams we were counting sheep
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Hmmmm....I like your ideas, and I don't want to upset you, but maybe you can separate the lines....so that it reads smoother(and also shorten some of them. For example:
As I swam through the sea
Saw a fish looking at me
He lead me through a game of chase
With excitment on his face
As we swam through the sea
Passed some coral and seaweed
We had to stop and take
A much deserved little break
*this is my opinion, if you want to use it it's ok. I'll let you take care of the rest of the poem.
Otherwise, you have sooo much talent...don't take advice the wrong way, it is to help you improve. You amaze me.
