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waxseal
Meleina Backhaus
United States, MT, Missoula

Words: 721
Access: Public
Comments: 9

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Pictures (edit 12-27-06)

Being eccentric forces people to like you, and therefore trust you. Many never learn such an important skill as eccentricity and are doomed to eat alone and live with their mothers. The others however become the friends that are 'interesting' and 'fun' and 'quirky'. This is the secret of every nerd, dork, band geek and chess club member once they get out of High School and people actually care they exist. First, they get good jobs; hard jobs that only people of their intellect could get. Take me for example - I was a med student who graduated at the top of my class and became a county coroner. Heavy competition for such a cushy job but I had the brains, and I wasn't sqeamish about things like intestines spewn over the road. What endeared me to my associates; the cops, crime labrats, layers and my boss was not my skill with liver temperatures, but my hobby.

I did not take pictures of bridges and families and birds flying in the sky; but pictures of dead people. Most are afraid to admit their fascination of the grotesque, but everyone loves a good murder mystery or ghost story, and the gorier the details the better. Why do you think a paper with a picture of a murder splashed on the front page sells so many copies? People don't want to just hear, they want to see.

My pictures were not washed out with a flouresecent flash - that's the CSI's job. I came in, told everyone the guy with his head missing is in fact, dead from decapitation, and then once all the legality was over with I took a real picture.

I used sepia and black and white, blured the edges and made the images fade in some spots and made them sharper in others. I made colors brighter; and I made the dead a vivid memory.

I have a picture of a girl who was raped, then cut open from neck to navel. It happened in the fall, under a maple tree. She was laying in a pile of pumpkin colored leaves with the leaves around her body stained red. When I was finished deepening the colors in the picture she didn't look dead at all. More like a fallen tree nymph in a red dress sleeping away a cool fall afternoon.

Another time, I took a picture of a man who'd been pinned to the wall by two meat skewers to the kidneys. The killer had wrapped his hands around the skewers so that he looked like he was doubled up laughing; his eyes creasing with joy, and not pain. That picture was in sepia - appropriate I thought for all the shit on the floor when his bowels let loose.

One of my personal favorites was in black and white - an old couple in their sitting room, taking tea. They died from poison, rigormortis constricing their knobbly and fragile fingers around fine bone china tea cups. The afternoon light came through delicate lace curtains and highlighted the grey hair and porcelain nicknacks. It also hit the gold rings on their fingers just right - the only clue to murder glass shards on the table, and blood spots on the toast.

Many people over the years have asked me why I take pictures of such morbid subjects. I replied that I do not find my pictures morbid. People should be remembered how they were, not as a victim; and in death everyone is laid bare, and in bareness is a terrible beauty.

People nod and smile with a look caught between distaste and reflection; but they are satisfied, and turn to the weather or the news.

I was liked and admired during my career. Sometimes I have friends who come over for poker - cop friends and detective friends haunted by old cases left unsolved. It's a type of closure for them, never catching the murderer but refusing to forget the quarry.

I have all my trophies, my pictures laid out in my basement to view with pleasure and pride. I took excellent photographs, and arranged my subjects always just so. There are seventy-nine photgraphs arranged on my far wall; a testement to beauty, skill, and brains.

Like i've said all along, being eccentric makes people trust you.

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Comments  
Cherley Comment by: Cherley - 2007-12-19 11:45
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I didn't read the earlier versions but this is nice. I don't know about trusting the eccentric, but I'll think twice about trusting the Geek. LOL
This is very well done.
I'm wondering if you might consider through instead of to.
I took a picture of a man who'd been pinned to the wall by two meat skewers to (through) the kidneys
babpul Comment by: babpul - 2007-03-18 20:49
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The brisk, speed walking pace of your writing keeps things moving. It never drags in places.

I saw the critique on making the reader connect more with the main character, but I disagree. This is a vignette of a morbid photographer, and the way you don't pander and try to "humanize" him by inserting flashbacks of rape or child abuse is something I find admirable. In a way, you give the reader more credit. As far as the voice in the story is concerned, you don't care whether or not the readers like this character. That's fine. He doesn't have to be likeable. He's interesting.

Few minor critiques -- High School isn't capitalized, unless that is the name of the high school. Also, I think the last line sounds too book-endish. You could lose it or change it into something else. It was moving along so great -- and you expect this awesome gunshot of finality, and then... bloop. It just feels like something I've heard before.

The story/snapshot's great -- but with a few minor changes it can become excellent.
locogfromsd Comment by: locogfromsd - 2007-01-18 18:25
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I think that there is a lot great language here. The subject is verrry interesting! And, of course, there are some extremely inventive ideas at play.

I don't like to critique about mechanics or slap people around with writing cliches.

But I would like to see more happening with the main character. I want to connect with them, but I can't because they're too creepy. I'm an artist, and pretty liberal-- but modeling dead bodies is out there (doubly so, because the character is a doctor of science.)

I am begging you Meleina; make me love this freak if only for a moment.

For what it's worth,
josh
waxseal Comment by: waxseal - 2007-01-15 10:46
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I know it needs help but i've looked over it so many times it was looking fuzzy to me :-) I'll get to it as soon as I can!
Teri Comment by: Teri - 2007-01-14 14:27
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Hi, Meleina,

Wow, what a difference. Sorry, but my mind is bizarre at times. Most times.

Anyway, don't shoot me:

I'd lose about 97% of the first paragraph. For me, the story started on the second para. JMO. I felt it "explained" too much. See what you think. Reread this and change the second para, first sentence to present tense.

fluorescent

blurred the edges

I used sepia and black and white, blured the edges and made the images fade in some spots and made them sharper in others. I made colors brighter; and I made the dead a vivid memory. - Sometimes, repetition works, and it would here, but there's too much. Try to use the Three Rule - only use three repetitions.

I've read the story twice now and find it works better in present tense. Again, JMO. In fact, the first time I read it, my mind kept changing it to present tense. Read it again and see if you understand what I mean. I think present tense would draw the reader in more. I haven't read the other comments, so if any of this has been brought up before, apologies.

pumpkin colored leaves with the leaves around her body stained red. - repetition of leaves is too close.

Meh ... this is really nitpicky, but how would he know she'd been raped? He's a photographer. Okay, I know what happens at the end, but you could put a little foreshadow here. VERY LITTLE. Something like: a girl I knew had been raped ... Okay, not that, but you know what I mean.

BTW, the description of her body and surroundings is soooo well done!!! So is this:

That picture was in sepia - appropriate I thought for all the shit on the floor when his bowels let loose.

When I say "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww" out loud (as I just did and got a very weird look from someone Spanish), I know I just read something well written. Even my own writing has never made me go "Ewwwwww". Well, the writing sometimes, but not my descriptions. lol

rigor mortis (two words)

constricing - constricting

grey hair and porcelain nicknacks. - gray and knickknacks. If you're going to write this in "British" (lol), you'll need to change all the spellings like "favourites".

photographs

testament

And I'm not crazy about the final line. IMO, it's not enough. I don't mean go over the top, heavens, NO! But something a little more subtle but at the same time, a little more mad. Not angry; I mean insane mad. Subtly insane mad. LOL! Oh, yeah, this makes sense. I hope you know what I mean.

You know my love of creepy stories, and yours is one of the best I've read on the site. Great job!!! Not overdone, either, which is hard to do when writing about psychos. :)

Hope this helps a little.

T. xox
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