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isismarie
Rachael Fields
United States, Missouri

Words: 135
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Shallow Promises

Thoses three little words
The innocent words of affection and care
He brought to her ear
Was a shallow empty promise
She returned them with a whole heart not knowing
He played her, and used her, and would do it again
He is proud of who he is, no matter who he hurts
But now she realizes, after days of hurt,
She must go on
The two of them weren't meant to be
So she tries to go on with her life
She will soon find someone who is Mr.Right
Someone who will care for her
And he will never bring her sallow, empty promises
He'll say thoses three little words
the innocent words of affection and care
And he will mean what he says when they slip
from his lips
"I love you"

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Comments  
destructogirl69 Comment by: destructogirl69 - 2006-12-10 12:23
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Very relateable. This is something everyone has, or will, probably experience in their lives, so it makes this so tangible. The only thing I see that I would work on is the rhyme at the end. There is no rhyme scheme througout the entire work then right at the end - slip and lips. Although I'm not sure how to suggest changing it because I like the feel of slip...It almost makes me think of a "Mr. Right" who had been through the same hurt as your character and knows saying I love you makes him vulnerable to be hurt again so the words escape almost without his permission. But I sometimes have a tendency to read things that aren't there so....do with this what you wish.
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By isismarie

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