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Life
Life is undetermined
life changes
Life cant be wasted
Life cant be remade
or caught up.
Is your life being wasted?
Do you even care?
Do you feel the pain i feel when your life is wasted?
Can you even believe what you missed
Or what you have brought upon others?
When your not there, it doesn't just affect you.
It also affects others every time you aren't here, you abandon others.
Do you know how it feels to be abandoned?
It makes you feel uncared for
and completely alone.
Family ties were served
And you begin to drift away.
Now it's so hard to get back to where you were.
Your trust was lost as you drifted away.
Now you're alone.
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| I like your poem, but I think it could be greatly improved. Don't discard anything. After a couple of weeks of writing, I go back and re-work things a lot. Also I noticed, you wrote: "Family ties were served." Did you mean to write, "Family ties were severed." Seems like that's what you're getting at. Not sure I spelled it correctly. I'm a terrible speller. |
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I liked this poem, I also like and write unstructured poetry. I think we can show more emotion when its in this format My favorite lines are: "Life cant be remade
or caught up."
Good job! |
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| Liked all the questioning and the mish mash of words, descriptions and imagery. Brilliant! |
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Comment by: - 2006-10-11 07:38
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| I didnt like this one either.... its just all scrambled together |
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