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A lover's kiss
Her black clothes clung to her as she reached the tombstone. The rain was coming down at a drizzle now, and so were her tears. 'No matter what I do, I am always messing up. I don't know why', she thought, clutching a sharp metal object in her hand. The tears seemed to grow heavy, and they fell quicker. Fat droplets fell to the ground, along with the sky's tears. She knelt down in front of the tombstone, tracing the engraving on the front.
'Thomas, my darling, I cannot live any longer. My heart is nothing without you, and nothing in my life seems right anymore. No matter how hard I try, I just keep screwing up. So please forgive me for what I am about to do. I will no longer trouble the world with my existence.'
She took the object in her right hand and slid the sharp edge across her skin, but it did not cut through. The blade broke, and a hand lifted her wrist and kissed it softly. 'It would be a shame for the world to loose someone as sweet as you,' murmured a figure, and then disappeared. She sat there, cupping her wrist with her other hand, tears falling uncontrollably. The wind, like a soft murmur, swept through the graveyard and disappeared.
She lifted her head to the sky, smiling, letting the rain wash away her tears as if they were he, who she loved, were doing so. 'I will continue to live on, my love. You have given me renewed hope and have not let me fail you. You have forgiven my weakness and made me whole again. I will live for the both of us now'ĶI love you'Ķ'
Then she stood up, placing a black rose on the grave, and smiled. 'We will meet again, my sweet, and be together for eternity.'
Sonia Alley, pulling on her hood of her cloak to conceal her face, walked out of the graveyard, her head held up high. Nothing could stop her now.
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| This is well-written, I love the image of her love saving her from killing herself. I just don't like the overkill of black -black clothes, black rose, it's a little too cliche. But other than that it's good! |
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Nice little story. But, I did want to comment on some little things that I saw.
In the last paragraph, maybe she should pull on THE hood of her cloak. Also, what if she walked out of the graveyard WITH her head held high? And does it seem strange that she walks out of the graveyard with confidence, yet she hides her face? It could be a nice 'duality of man' ending, if you expanded on it a little.
And the first sentence in the fourth paragraph seems odd. I like the comparison, but the sentence, itself, sounds off.
Just some constructive criticism.
Rob |
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Nice little story. But, I did want to comment on some little things that I saw.
In the last paragraph, maybe she should pull on THE hood of her cloak. Also, what if she walked out of the graveyard WITH her head held high? And does it seem strange that she walks out of the graveyard with confidence, yet she hides her face? It could be a nice 'duality of man' bit, if you expanded on it a little.
And the first sentence in the fourth paragraph seems odd. I like the comparison, but the sentence, itself, sounds off.
Just some constructive criticism.
Rob |
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Nice little story. But, I did want to comment on some little things that I saw.
In the last paragraph, maybe she should pull on THE hood of her cloak. Also, what if she walked out of the graveyard WITH her head held high? And does it seem strange that she walks out of the graveyard with confidence, yet she hides her face? It could be a nice 'duality of man' bit, if you expanded on it a little.
And the first sentence in the fourth paragraph seems odd. I like the comparison, but the sentence, itself, sounds off.
Just some constructive criticism.
Rob |
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Comment by: - 2006-10-12 13:01
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| This brought a tear to my eye, brilliantly written with deep emotion.I like :) |
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