Dear Mr. Banana,

There are very few things which succeed at making me hot under the collar, but I am afraid to say you are one of them and I can no longer continue to brush your incompetence under the table. Firstly, what is with your exterior colour? Come on, yellow was so last week! The only people who will be impressed with your weird choice in colour are the police for allowing drivers to see you in the dark and perhaps drunken people who have mistaken you for the sun! Purple would suit you so much better, don't you agree?

Also, how come every time I lay my seedy eyes upon you, you are never quite straight enough? Stand up tall and be proud Mr. Banana! Like my mother used to say to me: 'Without your posture, you are no better than that old wannabe Mr. Tomato!'� I loved my mother (until I accidentally killed her when I dropped out of my family tree and landed right on top of her). I know, I know, curves are in right now, but don't you think you are taking this to the extreme? Do have the Bendiest Banana Award or something? More straight bananas is what I say!

And last but not least: your name! Come on, why give yourself a name that is so simple yet so complicated? Wait, have I spelled it correctly? B-A-N-A-N-A? Is that right? Anyway, I am afraid to tell you this, but you have been surpassed by many other, more user friendly fruits whom excel you in many ways. Take the Mr. Orange for example, now there is a good fruit! Not only has he chosen a colour that is risky yet stylish, his name also reflects his personality extremely well. An orange is orange; how ingenuous! Why can't you be more like Mr. Orange I ask?

I write this letter not as criticism, but so you can instead learn from your mistakes and then, and only then, can you be reunited with all your fantastically fruity friends! Until then, I will keep you here with me so we can work on changing your shameful ways.


Yours faithfully

Mrs. Apple

Manager of The Fruit Society

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