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Spent
Spent
And in the time in which I became spent
in hIS company
or, rather,
beneath his heavy-plumaged peacock wing
I had not been loved.
And while it was the worst,
it was, as well, the first.
For no wound bears like that
not reopened
but, rather,
borne of the moment.
And such a wound as this will bear until (it) IS.
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Comment by: Loloix - 2007-12-10 03:54
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this is so me.. i like the pain.. it makes me read the next lines..
more of this, please! |
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| I thought this was pretty good. It's subtle and leaves a lot to the imagination. I don't know if you were hoping to be more specific with this - but it conjured up a few ideas of my own and so for that I think it's good. The last bit of lines "for no wound bares like that not reopened but, rather, borne of the moment." That was my favorite, great writing. Thanks for sharing it. |
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| Looking back? True. Hopefully I'll make up for this in the next piece I put out here. |
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| i don't believe you have to distract a reader with capitalization and punctuation tricks. you're too good of a writer. |
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| Honey, not your best. Work on it. I want more imagery, I crave it, like a starving dog stumbling on three legs through a dark alley! ... Looks like I'm feeling a bit poetic. You get the idea. Mesmerize me, I know you can do it! |
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