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waxseal
Meleina Backhaus
United States, MT, Missoula

Words: 557
Access: Public
Comments: 10

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Indian Clothes

Just a picture, of an old Indian man and three young boys; all dressed for church. The boys were in 12.99 slacks from Walmart and white shirts passed down from their older brothers or cousins. Only Sam's collar was buttoned all the way to the top; some would say the first faint sign of his furture sexual preference. Andy had a jacket on, a miniture of his dad's dark grey tweed. Casey was irrevernt in a shirt that was unbuttoned at the throat, and hair that stuck up in the back.

Mr. Greybull was in the middle, his skin just five shades darker than his polyester brown suit and red tie. The shirt a stark contrast to his black hair, neatly cut but still very thick.

They were lined up and posed, someone thinking it might be a nice contrast to have the young and the old together in a picture; such fine upstanding boys and such a dignified old man.

They were lying to the camera. They were not nice young boys who would go far and have families and lots of children. Sam turned out a computer programmer in Texas and 'gayer than all France' as older men said it. He stood in that picture with his clothes neat and pressed and tidy - barely smiling and hair perfectly combed. Standing next to boys who were tough and swore and spit. Andy was his father all over again; doomed to be a short man trying to carve a living out of trees that weren't there. Andy drove heavy equipment when he was eight and got his first chainsaw when he turned thirteen; he never got out of debt, and never stopped logging. Just like his dad they cleaned up for one day only. Casey would never grow out of being tough, and never grow out of resenting being dressed up. He was a firefighter and a cowboy and now dressing up for him was putting on his cleanest pair of jeans to head down to the bar. None of them got married, and turned out rough in their own ways.

At least, those are the rumors. People drifted away, moved for work, changed religion and any news came from parents and grandparents occaisionly keeping in touch.

Mr. Greybull had died, outlived by his wife. Everyone said he 'was a very nice man'.

Looking at the picture again it was obvious the common bond was uncomfortable insecurity; but only the boys showed it. Greybull was sitting easily in the center; a nice, quiet old man in his Sunday best.

He could have been a drunkard or a slouch; he could have watched porn - child or otherwise. He could have beat his wife or his kids or cheated on his taxes.

Or, he could have been brilliant, a hero or the hope of everyone who knew him. He could have been a saint and a hard worker, or a role model.

White men never learned to live outside their clothes; they feel trapped, shoehorned into a corner by what they have to put on.

Indian men never learned to live in clothes; push and threaten all you want or dress them in costume or suits or loincloths and everyone will still say the same thing.

Just a picture of an old Indian man and three young boys.

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Comments  
DriftwoodWriter Comment by: DriftwoodWriter - 2007-04-03 14:25
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I have certainly a new respect for description. And only about a picture. Allusion to who, what, and where; why--and without so much as confirmation of any. It read well, and smoothly to me.

A published author could easily be envious of this piece, and I am certain of at least one who is. I am humbled in more ways than I would like to admit, and I must bow respectfully, to the writer.

A damned good job.

J. Edward Nolan
JohnnySodoff Comment by: JohnnySodoff - 2007-03-15 14:54
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Lots of interesting descriptions and thoughts in here. And all about a picture! I like the way the characters lives sort of played out in short ways. The first/last sentence is pretty cool too.

Good stuff, all in all.
Spencer15 Comment by: Spencer15 - 2007-03-14 12:40
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I liked this story very much, especially how you were able to describe three lives in such a short space of time. And I especially liked this sentence: "Andy was his father all over again; doomed to be a short man trying to carve a living out of trees that weren't there." That sentence will stick with me for a good long while.

However, I too wanted to know a little bit more about the relationship of the narrator to the people in the photograph. The recollections are so personal and intimate that a little more explanation might help.

In the sentence "Just like his dad they cleaned up for one day only," the pronouns he/they seem out of sync.

Also, in the two next to last paras, there seems to be some tense confusion. I love the contrast between those two paras, but I think they might work better if you change learned to learn.

Good story. Thanks.
Comment by: - 2007-02-01 15:01
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You have a wonderful way with description, I've noticed that with everything of yours that I've read. I would still like to 'see more'-- though your descriptions almost make me regret saying that-- I think you have tons of talent, very refined.

Looking forward to more.
LauraBanks Comment by: LauraBanks - 2006-11-05 15:52
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I've been trying to figure out where I picked up the habit of putting commas where they don't belong. I think you're the culprit. Whipe that grin off your face and take that comma out from between "picture, of" in the first sentence.

Standing next to boys who were tough and swore and spit.
This sentence doesn't feel right to me. I suggest separating each boy into his own paragraph.

This is a very good piece, but I think it would make it stronger to know whose voice we are listing to. Who is looking at the picture? Or maybe not. Maybe it would do the opposite. But at least play with the idea.
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