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My First Love
My love and I go way back like fruit snacks
Hand in hand like Saturday morning cartoons
And my favorite cereal
I love him like Reese's pieces
And he loves me right back like Apple Jacks
I remember when I fell
Sitting in the back seat
Being hypnotized by his melody
I was caught up in the rapture instantly
As far as we were concerned
Always and forever is the only option
And nothing could come between us
Cupid soon took hold
(with the sweetest deathgrip)
Ant it was a wrap
Inseparable like frick and frack
We went to together like Hall and Oates
I loved him like bubble yum
And he loved me right back like jump ropes
He loved me so much he introduced me to his friends:
Miss Winehouse and the Lady Dragonfly Esthero
Taught me how to love him more deeply
Black Thought and Van Hunt
Said he was their best friend
Erykah Badu and Common love him too
---Had nothing but good words
About my baby boo
That only confirmed to me
How lovely he was
All that and more made him worthy of my love
He inspired many random desires in me
Like wanting to paint the words
He filled my heart and head with
Or wanting to dance in the street
Or wanting to dance with him in the privacy of my bedroom
In nothing but my knickers and a T-shirt
'¦till my feet hurt.
Or lay down with my eyes closed
While he whispered to me
Sweet nothings that sound more like a symphony;
An expose of loves litany,
Or a sinful soliloquy.
He is all those things and more to me
I could never leave my love behind
He and I were designed to
Forever be bedfellows
And our pillow talk consists
Of both idle chatter and matters
Of the heart
His essence still resonates in my eardrums
Long after sunrise' arrival
He is my reason for survival
Through sleepless night and deep quiet
His is my first love, my true love
And the best that's ever happened to me!
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| I got the flavour of it and like your springy style. But I think this poem could be a quarter of its present length, even less. So many of the lines don't sing (and read more like a confiding letter to a friend). I spoke to my first love on the phone a few minutes ago. We had so much to say we couldn't put the phone down - not bad after 32 years of marriage... |
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| Beautiful write...Excellent rhythm...Outstanding wordplay... |
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| Wow, i really enjoyed this read. I love the comparisons to all the things we love as kids. Beautiful. |
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Comment by: jusk - 2007-03-07 16:44
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| Nicely done, not usually the kind of thing I read, but it just flowed all the way to the last word. Very good. |
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Comment by: - 2006-12-17 21:49
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jeez louise, kid, that's the most erotic poem i've ever read, and you're gutsy to let it all hang out like that.
fitst thing: you need music for that piece, those are AWARD WINNING hip=hop lyrics, it s a gorgeous piece of word smithing that any maale would be proud to be the subject of .
second: allright, this will sound asinine, but line 12?: "And nothing could come between us?" it needs to read "And nothing could EVER come between us," that's the only phrase that fits the rhythym you impose.
anyways, kudos sister from an Oakland guy :).
pearce hansen |
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