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OriginalRisky1
Tucker White
United States, Washington

Words: 114
Access: Public
Comments: 17

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Dialog in a coffee house

Dialog in a coffee house

 

 

When asked:

How do you like your coffee?

My response, ever the same, unfailingly constant

Refrain:

'Black and bitter as my soul.'

A statement crass as any velvet Elvis

And half as honest

A nod to nihilism on that soft black background

Where it hints we all die

Even kings and demigods

Yes that is why that crass effigy

Is more honest than my words

Which fail in prosody and shameless

Un-metered free verse

{Lazy poetics at best}

Shameful self-aggrandizement

Only slightly saved by its lack

Of sentimental hooks

How do you like your coffee?

Black as death on velvet canvas

And just as easy to swallow


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Comments  
DickGentile Comment by: DickGentile - 2008-03-29 00:51
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Such post-modernism.
Valerie Comment by: Valerie - 2007-10-27 06:27
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This is wonderful writing Tucker. I love it. "velvet Elvis"...what a great line, and the poem as a whole, flows like honey from your pen.

An observation...line 6 is in quotes, and yet line 20 isn't (?)
Robert Barlow Comment by: Robert Barlow - 2007-07-29 18:47
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Tucker, "black and bitter as my soul" has to be one of the best lines I've ever read. --Robert Barlow
champagne Comment by: champagne Online- 2007-04-25 07:55
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Great poem. I really like how you admit the cliche, embrace it and then build the poem around it. All that's missing are the tacky pillows from Niagra Falls.

I have a formatting suggestion, you may not agree, but then this is your poem so you have the final creative say. (: Think about left adjusting and only using italics for those words you have in quotes right now. Many submissions editors dislike center adjusted poems, since it is harder to scan in a linear mode than if each line began at the left margin.

Something else you may want to consider would be to edit away the caps beginning each line and use them only to start a new thought or when good grammar indicates you should. It's not neccessary, but it seems to be the current trend. If your word processor software automatically corrects your caps, you can turn it off under autocorrect in the tools tab of MSWord.

Thanks for sharing this poem. It's fun and full of droll humour. Send it out there, I'm sure it will find a home.
tcbswan Comment by: tcbswan - 2007-04-22 13:08
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nice edits--and love the format. how'd you do that? smile. better the second go-round. these lines stood out:
"Which fail in prosody and shameless
Un-metered free verse
{Lazy poetics at best}
Shameful self-aggrandizement
Only slightly saved by its lack
Of sentimental hooks"

niiiiice!
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