The Abstract
What happens when you mix an honest happy go lucky guy, with a drug that does nothing but harm the person and the people around them? How do you help such a person? Can you help that person?

The truth of the matter is, how willing is he able to overcome the disease. He / she has to be strong enough the desires and temptations. This true event happened to me not to long ago. To be honest, this happened while I started this coarse. But now thanks to my wife, I am recovering. This one is for you baby.

Eyes of a liar, Pg. 3



It's four in the mourning, sweat beating down my face. My heart is pounding through my flesh, creating a twitch seen through out my body. The pressure of whether or not this time, my life will end. Why does it seem like god has it in for me. I've tried to kill myself many time before, but it never seems to work. It feels like he wants me to suffer in agony and punishment, but he wont let me die. Are you sure we are not in hell? It sure feels like it, based on the description in the good book.

Four fifteen A.M. and I arrive at his house. 'Break of a piece for me'� I said. 'Load that shit up since I've been waiting for so long'� I continued. Alas I've been played a fool once again. Will I ever learn? They sold my dope to someone else. See I've been waiting for my wife to fall asleep so I could escape for two minutes. They knew about this ahead of time but decided to sell it to someone that didn't have a car. 'Dude what the fuck why would you do that are you trying to get me caught'� I sigh, realize it has been three and a half hours since my last hit, and all I want to do is take a hit.

That's when I realized I had a problem. I should have just gone home, but I instead took my dealer in my wife's car. They at least gave me twenty of it so I could smoke it while I waited for him in the car. The sun is rising, 'Man where is he, I've been
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waiting in my car for a forty-five minutes'� talking to his roommate over my cell phone, as I smoke the resent of my glass stem, but only the taste of the brillo pad is left. I wait in my car starring at what look like silhouettes, through a window, with only a thin white see through sheet covering the action going on in the other side. I see them sitting and watching television wasting my time and luck away. Just then the door finally opens. Is it him, looks like him, I can't tell? Yes it is him. He hops in the car. I dropped him off at is house and got home about thirty minutes before the alarm was set to go off.

I left the front door unlocked, just barely shut, to reduce the squeaking caused by the torturous weather rusting up the hinges. As I open the door ever so quietly. I look around for clues, to see if my wife has woken up. 'Whew she didn't wake up, that was so close'� I said to myself in the darkness of my own home lit only by the faintly dim light of our overhead microwave. Knowing that I only have a few minutes to act. I grab a forty piece out of my three hundred-dollar bag. I brake it up into three pieces, two tens and one twenty. Why like that you ask? Well when it comes to CRACK, you need a really good hit if you plan to have a break in smoking it or for the last hit, trust me. If you don't you'll be wanting more really bad. So bad to the point that I could stair at the floor for about three to four hours, just to find a crumb you could possibly smoke.

'Shoot I'm running out of time, let me set the clock for six fifteen.'� I said as I smoked the twenty piece, 'well at least that will give me more time.'� I said as I finished
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the mission. Now that I have now I have a little more time. I take out another piece, lay it the brillo pad inside my pipe, press my lips on the other side of the stem, light it, inhale, hold it, and release it out of my nostrils. When exhaling the smoke its best to release from the nose. For some reason you can taste the drug better.

I had what is called an addiction. I say HAD because I don't believe that when your not doing drugs, I don't have an addiction my addiction is over. To me fighting the battle against the habit I was forming was easy. Not to many people can just give it up. For me I need a purpose to quit a reason to give it up. That purpose for me was my wife. You I can't believe she is still with me. I acted like such a fool. She had no idea I was doing crack. I withheld the truth from her for three weeks.

With in those three weeks I lied, stole money from her, and stole from my mother in law. By the time I was done my account had a negative balance of eight hundred and sixty four dollars. My wife's account had a negative of one thousand six hundred and eighty-four dollars. Not only that but I ended up spending about seven hundred dollars on my mother in laws credit card the she gave me, just because she trusted me. Boy what an ass I've been. I ended up spending close to six thousand dollars. All that money went to crack; jeez I really screwed up. I'm not like this person, I have always been the person you could trust, but now I know the most trusting people can really mess thing up.


Eyes of a liar, Pg. 6

I have seen so many people go down the wrong way with this drug. My aunt is dying because of this drug. She sells herself just so she can get the next high. Crystal, (my aunt) couldn't even take care of her children. My grandmother stood in to take care of them. Get this though my aunt was so bad that she would sell her food stamps to my grandma so she could get her crack. I could go on about this, but were here talking about me.

A drug addiction can be cured many ways. There is rehab centers all around the United States. From AA (alcohol anonumis), to NA (narcotics anynomis), to even alanon meetings. I can go to a mental hospital, talk to a therapist, or even get hypnotized. The thing is all this isn't for me. Why would I want to go to a NA meeting and have to hear about drugs all the time? I just want to forget it never happened. How about a mental hospital, well um absolutely not. I've shared enough time in my life in and out of those and placement homes. How about a therapist, with all the therapy I've endured I could write a book. You know what's funny. I have experienced all of these places and look at what I have done. I created one of the biggest messes I have ever done. The only thing I haven't tried is hypnotism. But If I can't kick the habit now (and I know I will) I just might try hypnotism.


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There are many methods of getting sober. These days you have so much options it makes it hard for an addict to find what will help. To me a lot of these methods are either a sales pitch to get money from you, or they want you to join a cult. Yes I believe AA, and NA are total cults just look at the definition of what a cult is. AA and NA are all about god and the higher power. Bill W. the creator of AA is the leader and to this day people worship. Trust me my father was a god in AA, until he drank again. Once he did drink all his followers bailed and wanted nothing to do with him. They wouldn't even help him out. Now how the hell is abandoning someone in their time of need helping them recover. So when it comes to AA I will not go for their BS. Excuse my French. Below is what a dictionary says a cult is
a. A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.
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b. The followers of such a religion or sect.
1. A system or community of religious worship and ritual.
2. The formal means of expressing religious reverence; religious ceremony and ritual.
3. A usually nonscientific method or regimen claimed by its originator to have exclusive or exceptional power in curing a particular disease.
a. Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion to or veneration for a person, principle, or thing.
b. The object of such devotion.
4. An exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest. http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=cults


Well I've been sober for a little over a month now. I can finally see the root of my disease. It may have beaten me in a battle, but I for sure won the war. The demon has left and as of late, I have been sprinkled with gifts from above. I received an internship that even pays. I'm in the works of six music videos. My life seems to be going on the up and up. My wife may be having our disputes, but our relationship has gotten stronger.

For a while now my wife and I have been getting in a lot of heated discussions. Since this horrendous disaster I have been able to open up to her like
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never before. It feels great. Lets hope the rest of my life continues on with this cycle. I leave you with this poem and a thought perhaps. If this drug touched you lips, with just a taste. Could you resist?






Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;

For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.

Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,

And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well

And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.


http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15836

BY:
Josh Cupp

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