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It is dusk in my heart
My brain is dwelling all over the room.
My eyes are pointing to the right while I look to the left.
I am sure my hands are doing all the walking.
My legs are resting in peace.
My time has come.
My lips are full of speech but
My voice is flying over the moon.
I am afraid of my body
It is together in peace.
I was not like that before
I was a mover a shaker
My time has come.
Where are they now?
We have done it together
I changed them as they change me.
We were all winners.
I am so afraid if they come and see me now.
Where are they when I am at a loss?
My time has come.
Where are they now?
With their red mouths
Full of their milk teeth
With tongues that twists and curls as snake,
With sweet harming melody voices,
With their gentle gaze faces,
My soul still longs but
My time has come.
Where and when will they come?
Speaking and chanting with their ignorant voices
As though I am dumb and deaf
All putting their blame on me
All playing the same tune that
I am stubborn as a brick.
I know one thing for sure
Wheels turns and coin has two sides
Their time will come for sure but now
My time has come.
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The way you use the randomness to get your point across is a brilliant way to write. I really liked the imagery, the way you use opposites and sentances that make up abstract pieces. I really enjoyed it.
"I was a mover a shaker" this needs a comma - "I was a mover, a shaker"
"With tongues that twists and curls as snake" - you used "tongues" so you need to use "snakes"
"With sweet harming melody voices" - "melodic" would work better here (Great line though)
"Wheels turns and coin has two sides" - This would work better either as "Wheels turn and a coin has two sides" or "Wheels turn and coins have two sides"
I agree with RoadLessTraveled- the format and wording you used create a good picture of the chaos felt for the reader. Some great lines and another thought-provoking piece. ~ Yvylyn
