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Vow to repay
Shattered by the dreams
She envisioned,
She wept anguished tears
Day after day.
Joy designed to pain,
Smiles to wound her soul,
Laughter to fill her heart
with hatred
so profound, it bled.
So she lived,
Imbibing all the venom
That existence hurled her way.
One day, she vowed,
She would return,
To repay all of it
Her way.
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Comment by: fredav - 2007-04-22 01:51
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this just reeked of vengeance, anger, and yes, defiance. i like how the feeling builds up--started slowly, then with each line, the feeling increases..nice use of tone throughout.
thanks for sharing.
freda |
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Comment by: solaris - 2007-03-07 06:15
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Laughter to fill her heart
with hatred
so profound, it bled.
She would return,
To repay all of it
Her way.
these two parts are, for me, the most striking. dark, sad, burning - like a sea of underground oil, lit and burning out of sight ready to explode. i like how this poem lives on into the future, doesn't just end when the words do.... |
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I like the tone of defiance in this piece. It serves well the bitter irony expressed by "Joy designed to pain. Smiles to wound her soul. Laughter to fill her heart with hatred." The underlying passion is poignant. Well done!
One small suggestion: Change the 3rd line to read "She wept anguished tears." It's a minor change, but I think it keeps with the tone of the 1st stanza |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-01-05 16:44
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Really like this dark piece.
The problem with revenge is that it is a hollow win. The pain does not go away and you are right back where you started.
Good write.** |
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Comment by: Min - 2006-12-28 09:12
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| Very nice. Sweet revenge anticipated. |
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