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I Got Caught
His mind
His choice
His capacity
He didn't care
He left me for a drug
He stole money from me
He smoked it while I was asleep
He didnt care
He denied it
He tried to hide it
He did tell me a thing
He didn't care
He left at night
While I was asleep
I didn't even know he left
He didn't care
I finally caught him
His face on the camera in a gas station
He used my debit card
He didn't care
I love him
I gave him a chance
He treid really hard
Eight months have past
He hasn't touched it
He's afraid to loose me
Has he changed
Eight months have past
I think I believe him
I hope he has
Changed for me
For will it last.
I dedicate this to my wife and Ladyrobinhood who have something in commen
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| TRIED - is the correct spelling and COMMON also. This one has more potential as far as working on the content and flow. You're growing. That's a good thing. |
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Josh,
You have the makings of a great writer. GREAT JOB, and congrates on being featured. |
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Comment by: Aria - 2007-07-12 09:44
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| other than the technical difficulties, this poem is full of emotion. sometimes, time can heal all wounds. :) |
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Comment by: - 2007-02-08 10:31
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| ah, teri just mentioned the errors that jumped out at me. other than that, this sort of radiates a sort of hopelessness. it's sad, but a nice poem. thanks for the read. |
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Comment by: Teri - 2006-11-12 08:28
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This is too person, IMO, to comment on other than on technical things.
"He didn't care"
You have the apostrophe in the first stanza and not in the others. In fact, you need to go and add apostrophes in a few places.
"He did tll me a thing"
He did tell me? He didn't tell me? I didn't understand this line.
He treid really hard
Eight months has past
"tried" and "Eight months have passed"
He hasnt touched it
He's afraid to loose me
"hasn't" and "lose"
(and "common")
I hope writing this poem has helped work out any problems, if this is based on reality. It's nice when someone takes the time to write a poem for you, especially one filled with personal meaning.
Teri |
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