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mleder2005
michael leder
United States, New Hampshire, Claremont

Words: 1068
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Alegious chapter II

Beads of sweat rolled down Alegious's pure face as he sat up in his bed. He looked around his simple room, their was his bed, made out of simple maple wood, a pull up bar and weights in the corner, along with a calender. A single picture stood on the wall of his family, as he stared at it he burst into tears, and cradled his head in between his legs, the dream would never stop.

After he could cry no more, he wiped his face as a determined look overcame it. He rolled off his bed and landed roughly on the wood floor in push up form. He quickly pushed out two hundred, and stood up, beads of sweat once more rolling down his face as he looked into the mirror in his small bathroom. His body was slim, yet his stomach was tight, and his arms bulged with muscles. His face was now calm and smooth while his slightly pointy ears parted his lengthy black hair on either side of his head. His glance now studied the calender that was full of red X's that paused on today with a circle.

He turned the knob as steamy water filled the shower, that relaxed his muscles and took away the last bit of weariness that still hung over him. He pulled on his green tunic after drying himself off, and opened the door to the still dark sky, and what he hoped to be his future.

Alegious walked slowly, enjoying the crisp morning air on his way to Alevega. His home was located on this outskirts of this elven town, yet he still only traveled there rarely. The seclusion of his home is what he needed, no distractions, and no questions. But today the city held his only hope, The Sienten.

The Sienten were the ancient guardians of the forest, and the strongest fighters in Alevega. If he could be accepted by them, he could become strong enough to save his brother. He wouldn't be the only one being tested today, and even if he was, the odds weren't in his favor. The Sienten usually only took one new recruit every couple of years, and they took one last year. The son of the queen, Tilmet. He had earned it though, he sparred with Tilmet once, and it was the fiercest battle Alegious had ever fought. It made him realize that he wasn't the only one with talent looking to join The Sienten.

The sun came above the trees bathing Alevega with its intense rays as he came upon it. The dirt road changed to short grass, and above him in a tall oak-like tree sat Simoro the Wise glaring down at him. Alegious always had the "pleasure" of talking to Simoro whenever he came to town, and today was no different as he gracefully jumped out of the tree and landed before him.

"Hello," said a raspy voice that belonged to Simoro the Wise, "Its been a while since you have decided to enlighten us with your presence."

"Hello," Alegious said, putting on a fake smile that fooled no one. "I have been training, as you know."

"Oh, yes, still planned on getting yourself killed I see," replied Simoro.

"You have no idea what I have gone through. I will not be able to live with myself until I find my brother," said Alegious, staring at the grass below feet, rather than letting Simoro see the emotion on his face.

"It does not matter anyway. It is not like Aldinn will accept the likes of you," replied Simoro with a smirk.

Alegious stood there, anger overwhelming him, but he was not stupid enough to return an insult to Simoro. He stomped off in the direction of the one place in Alevega that he could call a refuge, Queen Liafera's home.

He skirted around the center of town to avoid anymore "encounters". Before he reached her home, the grass turned into a small cobble stone path that was surrounded my a magnificent array of orange and yellow flowers. The home itself was actually an enormous tree, hollowed on the inside. He arrived at the end of the path, and was looking at a large carved door, which he knocked on.

The elf's beauty was almost indescribable, her gentle green hair ran down past her shoulders, seemingly glowing against her silk white robe. Her eyes were a deep blue that kept his attention more than any of her other features.

"Alegious," she said with a smile that relaxed him.

"Queen," he said bowing. Queen Liafera had treated him like a son ever since his incident. She had even offered him to stay with her, and her children, but Alegious dutifully refused. Still she gave him the home that he stays in today. She was usually the only reason that Alegious came into town.

"Please come in," she said still smiling, "let me get you a cup of tea."

"Thank you," he replied while sitting down on a small white chair in front of a wooden table.

"So how have you been, its been almost a year since I have last seen you," she asked sincerely.

For a moment he thought if he should tell her the truth, but in the end he replied with an unbelievable, "I've been good."

"You look good, strong, and fit... How has your training been going."

Once again she brought a smile to the young elf's face, as he replied, "Its been going excellent, thanks for asking."

Alegious turned his head to see Leais walk downstairs proudly. With a kind expression that could almost match her mothers she said, "Alegious, we should get going, we have to be in the center of town in twenty minutes to meet Aldinn."
Alegious sipped once more from his tea then stood up saying, "Its been a pleasure Queen Leafera, as always. I'll make sure to stop by after out meeting."

"Good luck, I look forward to seeing you later," she answered. Alegious and Leais both smiled excitedly as they walked out of the tree.

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Comments  
junie2 Comment by: junie2 - 2007-05-10 18:27
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I to would like to read more about the characters, maybe some different training exercises he is doing. And about the area he is living, describe it so you can get a visual of a map in the readers head. But overall its getting more and more interesting.
yican Comment by: yican - 2006-11-09 20:15
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You have an interesting story here, but I would suggest you to write in the way "Show, don't tell". This tale it's too much of "Tell, not show". Maybe you could expand this story. Take your time to show the reader how Alegious start the day, who he actually was, what his past was. Expand the part where he went to town a little bit, you could described the beautiful setting deeper here. Introduce Tisen and Leais later in the story to give them more characterization.

Also check for punctuation and typo errors. My stuff aren't really error-free too, so don't be lazy to fix and fix your story again.

'Her eyes were a deep blue that kept your attention more than any of her other features.'
Be careful of sentences like this. In this story, the main character is Alegious, not you. Everything should be seen from Alegious's point of view. So it should be :
'Her eyes were a deep blue that kept -Alegious's/his- attention more than any of her other features'
Isaac Comment by: Isaac - 2006-11-09 18:07
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I like it so far but when there's dialog put space so it's easier for you reader
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By mleder2005

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