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OriginalRisky1
Tucker White
United States, Washington

Words: 161
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Old lovers

She was older and should have been wiser
She had words to intoxicate and I was'¦
Her muse, she said and she penned...
"Awash in the ugly morning light
A pale dolphin sleek firm strong
playful tossing bed coverings as
if erupting from beneath the waves
in all directions pillows spray and
your mocking merry eyes dance
rainbows'¦"
she wrote I was
"sex
in old ripped jeans
stalking cat quiet
over hard wood floors a
dangerous delinquent with a
dancers grace wild untamed..."
but I was still young
and ego filled my desires to
fill her with needs and wants
and then I left after
tempting her with dreams
sipped over wine
on sun warmed stones
outside the Grand Hotel
as a sinking sun
glinted off tepid waters
of Mobile bay'¦
She was older and should have been wiser
She needed the man of me now not the
boy of me then for what might have been

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Comments  
tcbswan Comment by: tcbswan - 2006-12-30 11:01
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very lovely, sad, and longing--very sensual images that don't overwhelm. stunning wording--those last two lines. nice, thanks for posting.
OriginalRisky1 Comment by: OriginalRisky1 - 2006-11-28 15:49
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Wow, Thanks Val. I have to say that I aspire to your level of poetics, nice to think this almost gets there.
Tucker
Valerie Comment by: Valerie - 2006-11-27 02:05
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What can I say Tucker. The poem is breathtakingly beautiful. So perfect- the flow, metaphors, alliteration. Bravo!!! The last two lines are a grand ending.
OriginalRisky1 Comment by: OriginalRisky1 - 2006-11-14 06:35
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Thank you Teri. This was just an early morning piece penned while the sun began to rise. It is cold here now and then the sun was sensual southern warm. I tried a small revision with the line breaks in differing order. I am not sure this helps with the reading.
Tucker
Teri Comment by: Teri - 2006-11-14 06:17
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Very pretty and rather melancholy. Brought back memories of the song "Maggie May". I love the "pillows spray" image. Not too crazy about the line breaks since they seem a little awkward when reading out loud, but that may be a personal thing. Besides, the poem itself is too beautiful to be tarnished too much. Wonderful work, Tucker.

Teri
1

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