self diagnose and self medicate
i'm a hazel twig in my own desert divining
self-loathing is my particular brand of hate
and it is a process i'm constantly refining
i know myself well so it is easier to do
i know the buttons to push and i press them
there are certain things i feel i need to go through
painful secrets? i sit there and confess them
because telling others what makes me tick
makes me occassionally suspect i'm not sick
ah, but this is the ugly animal; the darkling half
it tells nothing of the person that can have a laugh
says not a thing about the person who can shine a light
into the heart of others on a long dark night
and while i hate myself most days i love myself too
there are shadows and light in each complete view
and i push to arrive in sunnier climes
it is a difficult journey in difficult times
but would i want it easy with no obstacles in the way?
what would i have really done to earn my pay?

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