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Once burned
Shame on me
Burned again
More shame
More hurt
More anger
More
Inspiration
As I walk through alleyways of broken hearts
Souls
For my actions
For my art
For my life
The devil's 'angel' is Crimson
Crimson
Brassfield
I will never be that girl standing in front of the
candy store
Ever again
She wanted to be the best princess in the world
I want to be the best nightmare the world's ever had
She always expected the best
I always expect the very worst
Two different people standing
On the other side of the glass
Just watching
One terrified
Eyes wide
The other glares
Walks away
Never turning back
For a test drive of the dark side
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The juxtaposition of who you were and are becoming is clear. I would just break up the lines to capitalize on pauses for thought and impact. ie: Between "inspiration" and "As"; "Brassfield" and "I will"; "worst" and "Two"
I also think the last three lines could be deleted. By the rest of the poem it's inferred strong enough that she would like the dark side, so you don't have to spell it out.
~Yvylyn
