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Burning Confusion
Can I close my eyes and make it all go away?
Pretend that it's not really me in here?
Every breath, every blink, every word ' it hurts
I look to the sky; its darkness holds no moon, no stars.
What am I meant to look up to?
All I see is darkness, helplessness, timeless jinxes and self curses,
The endless black'¦ or is it blue?
I can't tell any more.
The rain should cool me, calm me
But all it does is hide you from me.
Dark has become light, and light is darkness
My vision blurs with the flames that have been my ally in the past
Flames that now only burn and blister.
Sekhmet holds me as her own
I can't escape her grasp, but,
Am I even trying?
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It sounds like the speaker is having trouble with his/her faith. I don't know if that's how you meant for it to sound, but I like thinking of it like that. Like greensleaves said, my favorite line is:
"The endless black... or is it blue? I can't tell anymore."
You did a really good job with the theme of the poem. That is, if I thought what the theme was is right. Good job, though. I really enjoyed it. |
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| Thank you! This was my first poem since I left school, so all criticism is greatly appreciated. |
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I think this is very interesting. Great title, great sequencing. A little wordy though, and a little redundant.
"The endless black... or is it blue? I can't tell anymore."
I think that is a really great line... as well as the fourth to last... it's a great ending. The other lines seem to need a little editing, using only the necessary words and using more imagery/description.
I really enjoyed reading this. |
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Comment by: - 2006-11-22 15:21
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| interesting... |
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