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causticxlove
jessica dentino
United States

Words: 695
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Butterflies of War / Ch1

She was no longer the chubby and awkward girl she had been known to be. Kimimela Marcellus had finally shed her cocoon along with a few pounds of baby fat. She had worked so hard over the summer with the intention of returning to school her senior year and being the girl that made every guy pant and gave every girl the urge to run her over in the parking lot. The only difference between Kimi and all of the other 'it' girls on the planet was that she was still the dreamy innocent girl that once peered out through thick glasses at the cruel faces of her new friends. Like everyone, she craved a sense of belonging ' little did she know that small craving would destroy her.

Kimi was a tall girl and naturally tanned. Her mother was native to North America and her father was Latin. She was blessed with her father's deep green eyes and wavy black hair; she was also cursed with her mother's wide hips and fairly large breasts ' all of which were the ingredients for disaster.

She looked up at the angry building, which had been the cause of her past ridicule. Kimi smiled cruelly at her first opponent as she stepped out of her blue Ford Taurus. She held her breath as she walked up the steps into the main building. Silence. Kimi smirked at the hushed voices and stares as she walked down the once nerve wracking hallway. Round one went to Kimi.

As soon as she turned the vacant corner leading to her locker she took sighed in relief and leaned her back against the lockers. Visions of her peers all laughing at her reeked havoc on her memory. Today, no one would rob her of her smile. Kimi walked across the hall to her locker as she realized someone had followed her to her sanctuary. She decided to do what any overly confidant girl would do, she ignored her invader.

'What's your name?'

Kimi was bestfriends with this guy in kindergarten. She thought for a minute before she answered him with an icy tone, 'Butterfly.' She closed her locker and left him in awe, touching the butterfly charm necklace her grandmother gave her just before she died.

I believe that's round two. She thought to herself as she strutted back down the main hall in search of her first class. She was positive Nick McAlester still stood dumbstruck by what had to have been his first cold shoulder. Gods she loved this new body. Kimi made sure to be a few minutes late to class; not late enough to get written up, but late to the point where all eyes would be on her. Her hand gripped the icy knob, but was denied entrance. Shit! She had forgotten the new school policy. Round three was lost to the doorknob and she was forced to walk her considerably less confident butt up to the office.

Unfortunately that door opened with ease. She sighed as she stepped up into the office and collided with Nick who was on his way out the door.

'I thought butterflies were supposed to be graceful, or were you too distracted by that stick up your ass?'

She raised her eyebrow in disgust and shot him a look that could freeze hell itself as she continued through the door.

'Are you new?'

Kimi shook her head in response to the secretary. She leaned against the counter.

'Well, what's your name then?'

'Kimi Marcellus.' She waited as her note was written up.

'Go on back to see Mr. Walker.'

'What? But I was only a few minutes late.'

'School policy, hun. He wants to meet all the troublemakers early in the year.' She pointed to the vice principle's office.

Kimi felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter with anxiety. Not once in all her life has she ever had to speak to the vice principle. She stood at the door and felt as though she could puke.

'Well go on then!'

She wished death upon the secretary as she raised a fist to knock on the door.

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Comments  
Myth Comment by: Myth - 2006-11-22 02:56
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Quote: She was no longer the chubby and awkward girl she had been known to be. Kimimela Marcellus had finally shed her cocoon along with a few pounds of baby fat. She had worked so hard over the summer with the intention of returning to school her senior year and being the girl that made every guy pant and gave every girl the urge to run her over in the parking lot. The only difference between Kimi and all of the other â??itâ? girls on the planet was that she was still the dreamy innocent girl that once peered out through thick glasses at the cruel faces of her new friends. Like everyone, she craved a sense of belonging â?? little did she know that small craving would destroy her.

Comment: An interesting beginning, it didnâ??t draw me right in but had the elements to make me want to continue reading.

Quote: Kimi was a tall girl and naturally tan.

Comment: I think it ought to be â??tannedâ?? rather than â??tanâ??; as it sounds right.

Quote: â??Whatâ??s you're name?â?

Comment: â??Youâ??reâ?? = You are, the correct one to use here is â??yourâ??.

Quote: What an ass, this guy has known me since kindergarten.

Comment: Try to have thoughts in italics as they separate what is actually said out loud.

Quote: â??Well, whatâ??s you're name then?â?

Comment: Same again here, â??youâ??reâ?? ought to be â??yourâ??.

Quote: She wished death upon the secretary as she raised a fist to knock on the door.

Review: What a way to end. I think you could have given just a little background to what Kimmi went through. Remember, she used to hate walking through the hallway(?) and as she returns she should have some emotion or thoughts/regrets about going back once she had lost weight.

I look forward to more.
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