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Dear God
Ever since the introduction of Lottery,
I started to pray and played lottery.
In me there was one motive, which is to win.
Win all the Benjamin's that were offered.
To my surprised, all my numbers comes
But they come not in the order of my will.
To my surprised, all my Benjamin's are drowning
But every month end I try to save them.
I guess this water is too deep for me.
I guess I cannot steer this boat ashore.
God is you afraid of making me a winner
You think I will not live to the promise that
I promise you before I play my sport,
Have you, a picture of how I will, if I win?
God I want to assure you today
That all those promise I will stand by them.
I will make sure that I stick to the plan.
You will still be my ruler not the Benjamin's.
I guess you know when I am lying to you.
I guess I cannot blame you but blame the Devil
He is my enemy not you. You love me so much
As to not let me win the lottery
I myself saw that picture when booze was my God
When I fear no man. When hurting someone was just
My game.
Please God I berg you.
Let me win once and I prove to you that
I will be true to my promises after winning.
Give me a taste of winning and take it from there.
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Comment by: NicFran - 2007-01-29 12:45
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| your poem shows or helps others understand what can really go on in the mind of a lottery player, who grows thirsty for winning with each play |
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Comment by: JPM - 2006-11-23 10:57
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| Thank you for all comments. they will make me a better writer. |
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First things first, some editing:
Ever since the introduction of <the> Lottery,
I started to pray and play<ed lottery.> (You don't need the rest)
In me there was one motive, which <was> to win. (keep the same tense)
Win all the Benjamins that were offered. (no need for the ')
To my surprise, all my numbers came (get rid of the "d" and change to "came")
But they came not in the order of my will.
To my surprise, all my Benjamins are drowning
But every month end I try to save them.
I guess this water is too deep for me.
I guess I cannot steer this boat ashore.
God <are> you afraid of making me a winner
You think I will not live to the promise that
I promise<d> you before I play<ed> my sport,
Have you, a picture of how I will, if I win?
God I want to assure you today
That all those promise<s>, I will stand by them.
I will make sure that I stick to the plan.
You will still be my ruler, not the Benjamins.
I guess you know when I am lying to you.
I guess I cannot blame you but blame the Devil
He is my enemy not you. You love me so much
As to not let me win the lottery
I myself saw that picture when booze was my God
When I fear<ed> no man; When hurting someone was just
My game. (change the , to a ;)
Please God I <berg> you. (Did you mean urge?)
Let me win once and I <will> prove to you that
I will be true to my promises after winning.
Give me a taste of winning and take it from there.
~ I liked this piece. You put reality into a topic that most people see only in fantasy. There were some great lines and you carried the theme to the end. Good write. ~ Yvylyn |
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Comment by: - 2006-11-23 07:03
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I love it. It's almost humorous, having the lottery in your opening line, but then you delve deeper, evoking different emotions from your readers. Its honest, open, and unpretentious
"I guess this water is too deep for me.
I guess I cannot steer this boat ashore." You are honest about what you want "Please God I beg you.
Let me win once and I prove to you that
I will be true to my promises after winning.
Give me a taste of winning and take it from there." |
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Comment by: JPM - 2006-11-23 06:47
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| Thank you isismarie. God bless you for reading it. |
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