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Sweet Coffee
You said,
Honey, I want to know you
I said,
Baby I'm just a broken doll.
We held each other for comfort,
Knowing that, soon, we'd have to let go.
Nina Simone sang on the radio,
My coffee was too sweet,
Outside the world flew past us,
And my eyes blinked back tears.
Tomorrow we'll go falling
It seems like we're already there
I hit the ground a long time ago
A thousand miles away.
Baby, won't you come with me?
We'll leave this place behind,
We can drink champagne for breakfast,
And swim in the ocean at night.
But here we sit together
With sweet coffee and cigarettes
Still my mind is racing
Dreams of fireworks and candlelight.
Heaven is a fantasy,
Yet we're a long way from Hell.
And as I sip my sweet coffee,
I know its too soon to tell.
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| Its a very personal piece, based solely on an experience with my boyfriend before we were dating. Thank you for your kind words. :) |
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Baby, won't you come with me?
We'll leave this place behind,
We can drink champagne for breakfast,
And swim in the ocean at night.
That was definitely my favorite stanza. And the whole piece was just so well-written! You made the situation realistic with mentions of the radio and the coffee - I felt like I was in a cafe in the morning, and wondering if the relationship would go anywhere. Thanks for putting me in the narrator's shoes.
Again, no real suggestions, especially since I feel like this may have been a personal piece for you. The emotion is merit enough. :) |
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| This is my personal favourite, but it makes me sad just reading it. Glad you like. |
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Comment by: lolly - 2006-11-29 01:47
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You said,
Honey, I want to know you
I said,
Baby I'm just a broken doll.
-- i read it as "Honey, I want you to know.
I said, Baby i'm just a broken doll."
especially like this line:
"Tomorrow we'll go falling"
best i've read of yours so far -- keep them coming. |
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| It'll need to do, but god damnit, its hard. :) |
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