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Comment by: Sophia - 2007-04-27 05:40
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there are a lot of very strong lines here. Like these for example:
It reveals itself to me again
like a smiling assassin
The highway man
of all moral vows.
and:
an empty vessel
that had carried my salacious
appetite for you as it's passenger
I think someone else mentioned rhythm, I I have to say I think you are really good at building a rhythm up in your poetry, I've read a few of yours now and that's something that stands out. I also think the strength of the words you've chosen for this are really good.
I did wonder whether
In the sad still mist
of the foetal dawn
Is not you
whose lips I kiss.
was meant to say 'It's not you' but I may have misread completely.
A very strong piece of writing. |
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Comment by: Anne - 2007-03-27 18:37
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I have to agree with everyone a very well written piece. Lots of emotion . well done enjoyed very much
ANNE |
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| I found this an intense, and as has been already said, a well written piece. You have the ability to really draw the reader into the piece and make them feel the emotions of the narrator. I found it an inspiring piece. |
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Comment by: dnieman - 2007-02-23 23:38
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| this is another nice poem. i just love your rhythm jewels. |
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Comment by: izzye - 2007-01-28 04:20
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I like it; the loss of something or someone yet the dawning of something new. but i feel that there is a hint of worry about possibly being hurt again. I love these last few lines, we never learn from our mistakes, do we?
"And it's short term memory
just enough
for me to return
and be fooled again" |
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