I woke up one morning not feeling very well, when I thought about the previous days' events. My friend's Dad was sick in hospital in Sydney, he had severe cancer, she was staying at her brother's place. She had told me that the cancer had spread some more and tears ran along her cheeks like heavy rain as she did so, meanwhile I couldn't really tell if I was crying or not as I was so overwhelmed by it all.
Cancer, especially at this stage, I knew, meant certain death. Death caused by this horrible disease that overcomes whomever who has it and wastes them away, actually is cancer really that bad?'� Because then again many other diseases beyond are horrible in worse ways.
I had heard people talking about death in my younger years when pop passed away, saying 'may he rest in peace' or 'may he find abundant freedom'. 'Freedom,' is that what I'd heard? '� What freedom?'� What is freedom? '� All of a sudden a flood of questions came to mind, well, I reasoned, many people talk about freedom. Truly, there is NO freedom, isn't freedom supposed to mean to be able to do as one would like to do without having to suffer the repercussions of it or having commitments to take care of?.. Even the birds whom flock together and roam the skies are not free, they have little ones to look after, they also have to look out for themselves as they will be struck down by any predator anytime.
I finally came to the conclusion that freedom will be on everybody's wish list, a wish that they will never get on this earth. People who say that they are free are never free but wish that they could be and so try to make others envy them by pretending that they are free.
After having concluded this I suddenly felt an extreme sadness overcome me, which led me to think that something worse might happen, I also had a gut feeling which was more like a stab through the heart and down into my belly, that something very bad might happen to my friend as well. My only friend, my best friend.
I sprung out of bed and decided not to think about anything anymore. I hurriedly got dressed and went outside, I can't stand the look of food when I'm in this state, my heart beating as fast as ever. I got myself busily working, preparing the tools to cut the weeds in the paddock as they were tall and eventhough I wasn't getting any pay, as I'd been made redundant, it was still my duty to see the crop through. I then went out in the paddock and got busy, when all of a sudden my friend was there.
I looked up at her and said ' what are you doing here so early?'� She gazed at me but then said nothing, her face a sick red colour and yet still partially pale and her eyes glazed over from the tears. I put the hoe down and walked up to her, she still said nothing but started to look away, then she muttered that she needed to talk to me. I walked with her to the farmhouse and went in, still a very disturbing silence between us and around us, as though a ghost was lingering around.
As we entered the lounge room she said 'well'� I came to tell you that I haf to go bak to Sydney tommora'�.and'�Dad needs me'�.I need him'�'� I slowly answered 'I understand that'� uncertain as what to say whilst she was trying to stop herself from crying and yet the words she said came out very fast with big sobs between them.
She then broke down completely'�oh my poor Dad'�.I don't know what to do anymore'�.oh I can't stand this world full of bastaards!'� she suddenly splurted out. Sadness overwhelmed me once more, the same kind as earlier that morning.
'well the world is full of bastaards, but after all you have me'�'� I said prudently, then she burst into tears even more this time I followed suite, neither of us could control the emotions and I was trying to comfort her by hugging her. She then admitted to me the way she'd felt all night and finally said '� I know this is hard but I might do myself in if Dad passes away, don't blame yourself for it, you did your best, just be strong, you have more courage than me, try to be better than me if this happens'� I knew this was coming. She tried to soften the blow on me but'� this is just the way things are, from that moment I cried till now and maybe forever, I cry by that one phrase which turned into reality and I could never do anything to change that fact, I now know that I doesn't matter what you have been through or how much you know of somebody or even yourself, you will never understand why some things happen the way they do.

The End
By Louise Leclercq.

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