It wasn't her eyes or her lips. It wasn't her hair or her legs. Hell it wasn't even her mind. When Dana looked at me I saw something that almost leapt out of my pants and enveloped her. Dana wasn't particularly good looking but she could get my juices running hotter than any woman ever could. For me, Dana was sex. I opened myself up to her more than I had for any other woman and yet, I couldn't touch her.

As I sat there stirring my coffee I glanced over the paper she'd just handed me. I glanced over the lines hardly taking in a word. My eyes were probably holding a blank stare transfixed on her as she walked away. When she suddenly turned back I realized I'd probably burned a hole in her with my stare. I quickly averted my eyes and took a gulp of the coffee she'd just brought me forgetting that it was still bitter. I was too eager to look nonchalant and I burned my lip. I stifled a curse and returned to the document.

The board was meeting to discuss the terms of my contract. It was the buzz of the office. Most thought they planned to make me the new CEO after Jared Marsh stepped down. The old man looked ready for retirement; Atlas Medical Research would do that to anyone. My thoughts wandered off again at the thought of being a CEO. It was time for a change. I had been an Executive Vice President for six years and had accomplished everything I thought I could at the VP level. Stockholders were happy with my progress in experimental research and we had multi-million dollar contracts with several government agencies. The recent defense contract was a major boost for AMR though the contracts were not disclosed to the public. I pictured myself in Jared's loft office. It was nearly an apartment in it self. I'd spent one evening in his private hot tub with a couple of old cronies while planning a merger with Green Botanical Labs. It turned out to be a very uneventful merger as they were ready to turn over the ever growing complexities of big business to a larger company and we had the perfect spot for their expertise in our health and wellness group.

"Alex?" I looked up a bit surprised to see Dana once again standing over me. I looked at her with melting eyes. She almost seemed to know she had a hold of me.

"Ms. Halstead?" I said clearing the precipitousness out of my voice.

She leaned over placing a bowl of sugar and a cup of cream in front of me. Her thin cream blouse slid gently off of her revealing the tops of her silkily tanned breasts. My skin suddenly felt prickly and I knew my face was surely turning red. I could smell her perfume. It was a clean and fresh scent. I took another sip of my coffee this time more slowly.

"Thank you -- Ms. Halstead," I said pausing awkwardly to stare at her.

"Do you think they'll really appoint you to Jared's position?" she asked, her voice soft and wistful. She gave an encouraging smile.

"I - I'm not sure," I said stopping myself from a studder. "They have a few other candidates for that and besides Jared has not yet stepped down."

"Well, I think you'd make a great CEO because I'd make a great assistant to the CEO," she said with a wink. Dana walked away with a slight hop in her step and I knew she was teasing me. I quickly swung my chair around towards the window and put my hand to my mouth and bit hard. Fuck! I thought. This woman was driving me wild.

I quickly got up and picked up my briefcase. "Dana, I'm going to lunch," I said walking past her briskly. I didn't even look at her. I knew she'd ask questions. It was only 10:45 am and I had no appointments until 3. I heard her call my name but I kept walking and headed for the elevator.

I pushed the golden lit button seven times before the doors finally opened and a group of visitors stepped out. I pushed past them feeling as if I was on fire. AMR was a strict natured southern company and they would never approve of my involvement with Dana. She might not even approve even though she playfully flirted with me. What would I do if she told someone I'd made a pass at her? I'd be fired! I shook my head and realized I wasn't alone in the elevator. I pressed a button for the 32nd floor. It was a short trip. I stepped out onto the floor feeling as if my face was completely flushed. I walked down the all to an executive restroom. It was empty. There were open and private showers there and individual bathroom stalls. All of the faucets, sinks and toilet fixtures were gold. Whoever authorized this hadn't really thought of style so much as luxury. Everything else was black. I walked towards the sinks and looked at my face inside the wall sized mirror. My eyes were tired looking but I'd been working nearly 18 hour days for the past week and that was an unfortunate side affect. I straighten out my hair and splashed cold water on my face.

The fourth door was craning open and I headed straight for the toilet there. Though the room was empty it was the one I always used. Just a habit. I went in and locked the door, put my brief case down and unbuckled my pants. I pulled them down and sat. I didn't have to go but thoughts of Dana flooded my mind and I spread my legs a bit wider and began to masturbate. Towards the end I wasn't sure if I heard someone come in but I let out a little murmur and sighed. I straightened myself out and left the stall only to come face to face with Jared. He looked at me stone faced for a moment and then smiled and laughed.

"You get those urges too, ey?" He patted me on the back and walked towards the exit door. "Nice work on the Teraserol proposal by the way!" he said as he walked out.

I looked in the mirror once again as I washed my hands and my face was completely flushed and though I felt a bit more calm, that little incident with Jared bothered me. I began to over analyze. What had I said? Was I very loud or was he just guessing? I shook it out of my mind and headed to lunch at Mioto's Sushi Bar near downtown. AMR executives had standing reservations there so I didn't have to wait. Angela, the gorgeous blonde hostess seated me with a smile. I could probably take Angela home any day but I didn't want her. I took out documents on a new product we were developing and began to read while slowly eating Chef Hamoki's Spicy California Rolls, thankful that I was able to focus on work a bit better now. I ordered an extra glass of cabernet and Marie, my usual server asked me if I was having a good day. I smiled and told her things were going fine and continued my reading.

On the way back to the office I called Dana and asked her if anyone had called. She gave me a long list of people I probably wouldn't call back. Hearing her voice gave me second thoughts about returning to the office to early. The day was young and I didn't want to force the atmosphere anymore than it had been forced. There was something in the air today that made me feel just a tad bit out of control. I walked down fourth street and stopped at the local bar. I bought a few rounds of vodka and tonics and then headed back to work.

The office was bustling as usual. It was a lot different from the days of the lab. This was all business and none of the medical research that I spent my youth studying. Dana greeted me with a smile but I walked quickly back to the office and took off my jacket, loosened my tie and layed down on the couch for a nap.

I wasted much of the day in frustration and would pay for it later.

"Alex, wake up!" Dana said shaking me gently. "Dr. Reese is here for an interview."

I looked up at her as if she was an alien from another planet. I had a small headache and rose slowly feeling it slowly become louder and louder in the delicate casing of my skull. "Ok, I'll be about ten minutes," I said standing. I straightened my tie and put on my jacket and sat down at my desk removing a small mirror to straighten my hair and check my eyes. I looked presentable but over worked. I pushed the intercom unit on my desk and said, "Show Dr. Reese in, would you Dana?"

Moments later she entered followed by a tall lanky looking black man. He had a wonderful smile and a trustworthy face. I stood to shake hands with him and he eagerly said, "Oh thank you so much for this opprotunity!"

"Please, sit down," I said directing him to one of the chairs facing the couch. I sat on the couch and slid a folder out from under another stack of files on the coffee table. "So, Dr. Reese--"
"Please, call me Ike," he said politely.
"Okay, Ike, I just want to be frank with you, doctors have a hard time adjusting to this sort off work. Wouldn't you be happier in one of our research labs?"
"Well, Dr. Coldwater, if I may explain," he said bowing graciously, "I always felt more of a business man than a doctor. The administrative parts of having my own practice were always . . . therapeutic," he said with a laugh.

I smiled. I enjoyed Dr. Reese's personality and already decided he was a great fit for our new junior vice president but I wanted to make sure he knew the job was no family practice. Dr. Reese had an extensive résumé to fit his charming personality. He'd taught at Harvard for several years before deciding to go back into practice. He'd worked on contractual terms in a government research facility and he'd participated in several international medical conferences with relation to experimental medical procedures.

"Well, Ike, I have to say I am very impressed with you. I didn't have half of the qualifications you do when I started here. I think you'll fit in very well here. If you would like to come and visit us on Monday, I can set up an appointment with our CEO and we can discuss the terms of your contract."

He looked like I had just handed him a million dollars. It was a six figure post but a lot closer to a million dollars than he was making before.

After Dr. Reese left my day passed uneventfully and it seemed I would get home and settle comfortably in my empty bed once again. As Dana began putting all of her books in order for the next day I walked towards her desk. I could smell her. Her dark hair was resting on her shoulders. I had the desire to reach out and brush it away to reveal her soft golden skin. She turned and noticed me starring at her. She looked up at me devilishly and smiled. I hadn't realized it but the office was clear. I supposed everyone was rushing out to some exciting time this evening.

I walked nearer to her wanting so badly to touch her, urge building up and winding me into tight knots. She stood and turned on me and instantly she kissed me. I was shocked and pulled back. The moment I had longed for and I ran from it. She looked bewildered. "It's what you wanted isn't it?" she asked almost too innocently.

I shook my head speechless. She kissed me again, her soft lips caressing mine. Her hands were on my shoulders and I felt myself losing control. I turned on her pushing her up against the glass wall. I grabbed a handful of her hair and breathed it in. I rubbed my face against hers feeling her softness and then she did what I didn't expect. I felt her tiny hands thrust between my legs searching. My knees went weak before a scream of horror from her made me fall completely to the ground.

When I looked up at her she was starring at me as if she had seen a ghost. I looked at the floor and picked myself up. "I --" I said not knowing what to say at all.

She seemed to be at a loss for words as well and before I could even touch her again she quickly grabbed her things and left the office almost at a run.

The next day she didn't show up for work. And the day after that she quit.

I was devastated. When the board called together a meeting to announce me as the new CEO for AMR I was in no mood to celebrate. Dana had been my secretary for two years and for two very long years I longed for the kiss she'd given me, now she was gone. The meeting was catered and I sat down in front of my usual Spicy California Rolls. I looked around at everyone in the room. None of them seemed to have any idea I was even there. Dr. Richards was discussing Teraserol with two other doctors who had worked on the project. Allan Yastides was downing a glass of merlot and listening to the latest gossip from a few other non-doctors. It was like being in the middle of a crowded place but being a shadow.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and it was Jared. He gave a weak smile but I could see the frustration just behind the surface. He sat down next to me and sighed. "Alex," he said saying my name almost breathlessly. "I am sorry to tell you that the board will be asking for your resignation." I looked at him blankly. My hearing must have gone out for a second because I didn't understand what he'd just said to me.

"Listen kid, don't make this harder than it has to be. AMR is a southern company with southern values and while I don't disapprove of any lifestyle you choose to lead, the fact is, you've lied to us. We don't have a problem hiring women. I don't understand why you would pretend to be a man!" he said raising his voice just a bit louder than either of us wanted him to. At this point the room was silent. Everyone knew and everyone had been waiting for it.

"Kid, you're great at what you do, we just can't abide by the dishonesty." All eyes in the room were starring at me right at that moment and most of them were eyes of disgust. I glanced around the room in confusion. I had not pretended to be a man. I was a man in my heart, not even AMR could change the physical part of the problem.

As I stood my legs were shaky. "Is that what you all want?" I asked addressing the room. They all looked as if I had raped their mothers. "Is that what you all want?" I screamed. My voice seemed to echo off of the walls. I felt betrayed and was instantly enraged. Yastides, whom I had bailed out of trouble because of his drinking, Carmen Pallack who's unsupported projects would have been scrapped along with her position if I had not stepped in, Jay Morgan who would have been cleaned out in his alimony suit had I not "altered" his earnings. They all stood against me like I was a criminal.

I turned back towards Jared. "Thanks a lot you jerk!" I said and walked out of the room, the moment still burning in my stomach.

It didn't take long for me to file a suit against AMR but they were wise enough to settle out of court and I received enough money to start my own research firm to work towards better sex change procedures. I was back to doing the things I loved and the last thing I heard, Jared publicly and ceremoniously fired right before his retirement due to the minor publicity my settlement received. I never saw Dana again though the expression of horror on her face when she felt the wrong sex between my legs still drives me into a rage when I think about it.

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