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Countdown to Disaster
One I meet you at home
Fall into your eyes
Two Can't stop staring at you
Thinking about old ties
Three You distract me with nothing
Amazing just sitting there
Four Wander outside
Pushing back my hair
Five I'm trying to keep balance
But you make me so nervous
Six I try to tell you the truth:
(I hope no one heard us
Seven Standing on tiptoes
Getting much too close)
Eight Just how much I love you
No one ever knows
Nine Finally reach my lips
Dear God, I think I fainted
Ten I'm thinking: (or not at all)
Holy f**k, and now I'm
TAINTED
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Comment by: - 2007-01-28 22:15
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"Three You distract me with nothing"
is my favorite line. About the swearing thing, I don't recommend it. It is a fact that no great poet used the word fuck. It is ok to use it in conversational speaking, but this poetry, supposed to be the elite of mind and spirit of meaning and that word could be replaced with a more intelligent one, I mean, this is just a state of a lot of writers that are mislead to thinking that that language is appropriate. And it's a hard pill to swallow I know... |
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"Dear God, I think I fainted
Ten Iā??m thinking: (or not at all)
Holy f**k, and now Iā??m
TAINTED"
"Seven Standing on tiptoes
Getting much too close)"
Those lines were my favourite. This was a nocturnal sort of read - I can't really explain what I mean, but it was quite sincerely funky, so thumbs up to you my friend! lol! Keep it up!
If this poem was going to be cut into cloth, it would be a dark and inky and jaded and rough sort of cloth. =D
Perfect |
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