 |
 |
 |
| |
Getting Over It
The tables have turned
I'm on a new track
An old friends suggestion
Has made me look back
I still held you close
As times were rough
But when I really think
I know you're not enough
Took a trip to my hammock
And read a good book
Got lost, like she said
And I finally took a good look
When I reflected
I saw I was shattered
A fall from the high horse
Leaving me battered
But I took another round
And it wasn't with you
It was with someone who loves me
For just being true
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| I like your work, it keeps me reading. On this one, I would recommend working on the meter (rhythm). When we rhyme, it almost demands that we have a pattern to the meter as well. The first four lines seem to follow a pattern, but it breaks when you get to "As times were rough." That distracted me from the content of the poem a bit. Keep writing though, good stuff! |
|
|
| What I love about this piece is it can be about a failed relationship with a lover, but also with a friend or relative. Very inspiring. |
|
|
i think that with a couple of revisions this would be an awesome piece. First off... i think you should break the piece up more so that you're not just in one stanza. One stanza is fine for some poems, but this one kind of seems to switch trains of thought and leaves me wondering what happened to the last one... and all of these random things are flowing together. you see where I'm going? Almost like if i said...
the sun is hot
my neck is burnt
your love is sweltering
it doesn't all make sense together... right?
anywho..
"But when I really think
I know youâ??re not enough"
together these are okay, but it could be better by elaborating. I think that your piece has a lot of potential.. and it is a good framework, but if I were to be honest.. I know that it's not an award winning piece of work. I think that you should throw in some metaphores and make it seem like the words are almost jumping out of the page and reliving themselves in each reader's bedroom as they read it. |
|
|
| A mended broken heart. |
|
|
I really like it, its very relateable, simple but the point got across, really good!
~Sarah |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
