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This Hold On Me
It's back to the beginning
To where I never wanted to be
Yet I find myself here
Trying to be your perfect little girl
Being what I am not,
I've lost myself, again,
not knowing how to keep myself
You've got this hold on me
I don't know how to get out
I need you to let me go
This smothering has to end
What will it take
For us both to be satisfied?
How can I be me
And still have you approve?
I'm lost and can't find my way
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Comment by: Dreque - 2007-06-19 12:51
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| You are awesome lady! I love this! |
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| Jennifer, this poem has a splendid blend of simple honesty. It represents a tension very common to parent-child relationships. Well done. --Robert Barlow |
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Comment by: - 2006-12-05 07:11
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| very nice, sounds like a good plea to be allowed to grow up and not be a child anymore. Nicely done |
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Thanks Jo! I went and made the suggested changes. It does sound much better!!
Hugs,
Jen |
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Comment by: - 2006-12-04 15:17
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A nice poem.
i felt it lost its' flow a bit at the end of the first stanza.
Maybe you could try
"Being what I am not,
I've lost myself, again,
not knowing how to keep myself."
JMO
drop the 'and' "I don't know how to get out" (this makes it sound a bit more desperate)
I am not sure about "lemme" if you had more slang,but it seems out of place.
as as I said JMO
Jo :) |
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