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Frailty came knocking on the door of a blue equilateral a couple of days ago.
It bared the gift of death, fluttering its' wings of end ever so briskly.
As it hovered into the still life of my awareness a flicker of cyan erupts.
The walls let out a piercing cry and collapse exposing an abyss of dark.
Truth never felt as real as a clutch to the chest exclaimed my master.
His heart imploding into a tight fist of hurt was the verdict.
His face resting over a space heater was the morning headline.
A hunger like no other creeps beneath my fur and takes control.
The ghost of my breath lingered into a vivid memory of better times.
I could feel the rats scamper along with such urgency in their march.
Overtaken by an obesity of vast proportion, he was a bastard of a man.
This bestowal of fate seemed the perfect fit in every extent of the term.
They begin to feed on his corroded carcass leaving me sloppy seconds.
When it came down to it I was met with two options:
A. Dine on this sick excuse for a life.
B. Starvation, which would ultimately lead to death.
Choosing option B meant having to succumb to the arms of starvation.
A spilt second is all it took for my mind to drift into an inane haze:
:: I'm sitting upright on a chair wearing a tuxedo, your favorite trash talk show host walks out with a smirk while an audience of felines and mongrels go wild yelling out a mixture of "HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT?" and "I HOPE YOU STARVE TO DEATH YOU SORRY SACK OF SHIT!!". I let out a bark when a herd of lions enter the studio in frenzy and attack the audience members including the host clawing that precious little smirk of his away. :: The following morning the door of our apartment is broken into when the city's finest find themselves appalled by clods of fecal matter resembling bits of what once was my master.
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I have to say I agree with the repetition being a weak spot in this piece. There's surely a couple of other words that would still be rich in connotation that could work as well.
But the whole bit about sucumbing to it could perhaps be worked into one sentance such as B. succumb to starvation and wait for death... ? That kills the problem of the repition. And if you want him to struggle with deciding for another moment or two (though it doesn't seem so given the next line) use the loyalty angle.
I can understand your perspective. What exactly didn't you get? The whole piece or just that specific excerpt? If you don't understand the piece, I will be more than happy to explain. = ) Thanks for taking the time to read my piece!
I can understand your perspective. What exactly didn't you get? The whole piece or just that specific excerpt? If you don't understand the piece, I will be more than happy to explain. = ) Thanks for taking the time to read my piece!
