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Planting- Garden Flash
All morning was spent getting the flowers for her first garden, which was a little strip on either side of her mailbox, ringed with rocks. She had already turned over the ground, mixed in premium growing soil with her rocky natural dirt, and the beds were dark under the gray sky. I bought half her flowers, delighted with her eagerness and deliberations over the purple pansies or the orange snapdragons.
Rain threatened; and only stray and teasing shafts of sunlight poked through rustling tree leaves. While we planted flowers it started to rain, and I couldn't help but notice the way her shirt clung, the way her hair curled with the damp or the sound of her laughter as we raced to plunge the delicate petals into the ground.
Hanging a giant purple basket of cascading petunia's I brushed her hand with my thumb and she smiled. I could smell the rich perfume of the flowers and the mix of rain and dirt and youth on her, and my smile trembled.
She would no sooner come forward than I could go back, and the storm broke on a whisper of regret.
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| This is just beautiful. |
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Good story. Nice mystery as to the relationship between the characters. I had a little trouble with them plunging delicate petals into the ground. Did you mean the stems of the flowers?
The would/could in the last line threw me. It makes it sound like she doesn't want to grow older while its impossible for the MC to go back. Is that what you mean? Or is the regret on both their parts? If so, I would chance the would to could.
You use purple twice, and I'm wondering if there's a hidden meaning there. If so, it's not clear to me.
Otherwise, thanks for a good, poignant read. |
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Comment by: tiger - 2007-03-09 15:58
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| mmmmmmmmmmmm!! |
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| I thought it was a parent and her daughter as well, the way she described the other girl's laughter and hair. An interesting blend of prose and poetry, leaving the reader to interpret it. |
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I'm so glad you put snapdragons in there, nobody I know has ever heard of them and I was beginning to think I'd made them up!
An interesting, quick glimpse into the life of the characters. Good imagery and just generally well written |
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