The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it. |
|
 |
 |
 |
| |
TODAY
Today the skies seems bluer, like an icy ocean sea,
The cold seems not so bitter as it touches against my skin,
Today I feel so sobre, the world seems so serene,
Today I feel I could fly away and drifts amongst sweet dreams,
Today my vision is clearer, every colour seems to shine,
Today I care not for worries, today I choose to be blind,
Today I walk with no trouble in mind, a smile plays upon my face,
I enjoy it now for tommorrow will come and today will be gone with no trace.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: precar - 2007-11-18 13:23
|
|
| I generally don't like rhyme but since you kept this short and sweet it is effective. The fact that the poem itself is uplifting is also refreshing. |
 |
Comment by: kms - 2007-11-05 10:51
|
|
| enjoyed reading this, keep it up |
|
|
Hey, uplifting can be deeper than depression!
This poem carried me along like a dandelion parachute. Got me smiling. But offer critique I must.
All that radiance, then the last line tripped me up. It breaks the meter. Do you hum your poems? Do you sing them? Try singing them like a Gregorian chant. Try setting them to rap. I am failing to express this well, but you know that sometimes you cannot get the easy words into the melody of a piece of music. Instead you must rethink, resay, rewrite and rewrite until you can say what you mean in a way that is music to the ears and looks like it was easy.
I shall not nit-pick. I shall not nit-pick... etc... but
Drift, not "drifts".
"seems" is a weak word ... an opportunity to rewrite. Try an "is" or two.
I don't mean to be a scolding aunt. I hope these crits are some help. I know you seek excellence ... I can't get you to excellence, but I can give a little boost.
What makes a master is knowing where to put the extra work. Maybe a youngster can draw very well and handle paints well. He or she can knock out a good painting in 24 hours. A master may take two weeks (or longer) to accomplish a painting. The difference is in the amount of skillful human attention invested into the art. The master knows where to invest his or her attention. It is telling. |
|
|
Well now. This is certainly uplifting! Hah. Generally I hate uplifting things; I write to depressing music; I write to a more drab atmosphere... but I confess to you (and obviously everyone who reads this), this particular makes me smile, and a smile's enough to put me into high spirits.
J. Edward Nolan
(Thanks) |
|
|
Well now. This is certainly uplifting! Hah. Generally I hate uplifting things; I write to depressing music; I write to a more drab atmosphere... but I confess to you (and obviously everyone who reads this), this particular makes me smile, and a smile's enough to put me into high spirits.
J. Edward Nolan
(Thanks) |
| 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next |
|
"Rehearsing Nietzsche"
In 2000 the poet Nicholas Jakari aka NiK, played the role of Nietzsche for that late poets centenary commemoration.
This collection of poetry, mostly written in the same 'millennium-gap' year, plays against that backdrop.
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
| | Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com |
|
|
|
|
| |
Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S | | |
