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adarkvision
Erik Duarte
United States, IL, Chicago

Words: 245
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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"Happiness Is a Place"

It's Wednesday night and I'm looking at a blank screen.

After a long hard day of biting the tip of a double barrel,

I subside onto the cushions of my black leather couch.

I'm expecting the company of good thoughts tonight.

They should be here any minute now. Well, who am I kidding?

They're usually late, but better late than never.

I begin to gather the sentences that have collapsed into letters on the floor.

These are the sentences that lacked proper nourishment to keep them afloat.

Nourishment that I failed to give while preparing for my voyage to nowhere.

As I tend to the matter at hand my own hands begin to harden like concrete,

My eyes begin to bleed creating an endless flow of tainted images.

I mustn't let company stand witness to this unsightly catastrophe.

I reach for a mop when it crumbles into an army of roaches.

I panic and begin to tear off yards of skin to wipe the mess.

The barks of a landlord play over into one ear and come out the other.

Just as I was about to wipe the last drop clean off the ground,

the weight of my hands proved to be too much as I create a hole and fall through a couple of floors.

Through all the rubble and roaches I find that I've landed in a brothel full of temptresses.

It's just like I said before, better late than never.



© Erik Duarte 2006

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Comments  
corrina Comment by: corrina - 2008-11-03 05:51
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I really liked this one. My favorite was "I'm expecting the company of good thoughts tonight.

They should be here any minute now" I love, love that line. This visual creativity kept me drawn in. And the ending made me laugh...."better late then never" It made me feel like I was in a dark version of Alice in wonderland.
Grounded Vertigo Comment by: Grounded Vertigo - 2007-03-20 03:23
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I loved this piece. It is extremely clever in how it became darker and darker without losing all of its pace. A great write!
deathbyacid Comment by: deathbyacid - 2006-12-10 12:07
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im not a critique...must read more!
mitra Comment by: mitra - 2006-12-10 02:58
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The beginning was great then slowly gaining momentum into darker tones. Didn't expect that ending though. Hehe.
destructogirl69 Comment by: destructogirl69 - 2006-12-09 20:43
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This goes from zero to out of hand in just a few short words. Critiquing a piece of this length is not always easy. I agree with Kerosene, the imagery is very vivid. Having a propensity toward flash and very short pieces myself, I hate asking for more, but I'd like to see more of this. Not a lot more but the images in the beginning are not as strong as those in the end and I feel like the beginning gets swallowed in all of what's happening later on. I had to go back and re-read the beginning to understand how we got where we were in the end.
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