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jasonaune
jason a
United States, Georgia, Augusta

Words: 105
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Unforgotten Dreams

I messed up once, I messed up again,
where did go wrong
well let me begin.
Sometimes I don't listen and
you say I don't care,
though my mind may be wandering,
my heart is still there.
I know you have your worries,
as do we all,
but my job is to be there
so you do not fall.
My job is to be here and
give you my heart,
all that I ask,
is for a fresh start.
Though we may struggle
and though we may fight,
the plans I have for us,
I'll never lose sight.


Dedicated to my BETTER half(my wife)

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Comments  
Machelle815 Comment by: Machelle815 - 2007-05-14 11:11
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This is a nice piece. I get that you are trying to apologize to your wife in all its sincerity. If you are looking for some constructive feedback on this then i would suggest focusing more on what you did and the emotions she felt that surround it. Address the dreams that were unforgotten. I have learned that most times it loses its meaning when you are forced to find a rhyme. Make it sound more like an apology and dedication than a couplet with the rhyming. I usually write in couplets but have since figured out (and been told) that they tend to sound more childish like nursery rhymes. Keep up the good work though this piece has great potential and you seem to have some real talent.
dominated angel Comment by: dominated angel - 2006-12-13 09:05
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FUNNY.....
1

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