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VB 16
Vinay Benjamin
Bahrain, Manama, Manama

Words: 92
Access: Public
Comments: 7

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Cupid's Funeral

Cupid lacking occupation,
In AD two thousand three-oh-four,
Died in asphyxiated anguish,
Heart-broken with remorse.

Humans had reached frontiers,
Of super intelligence,
Men and women separately,
Pursued varied interests.
A tacit agreement proclaimed,
Needlessness of love,
Exchanged sentiments, a conduct,
Intolerably suspect!
Labs harvested babies,
Seeding only the best,
Programmed robots nannies,
For these ultra super-brats!

Cupid's sensational death aroused,
A universal stir,
Untraced in catalogued records,
Never seen or heard before
A monument of glass enshrined,
'Exhibit of the Alien',
With tattered wings, a warped bow,
And a crumpled valentine!

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Comments  
Valerie Comment by: Valerie - 2007-08-07 17:42
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This is a great poem! Ah, the future... but my dear writer friend, you must remove all end-line punctuation. This is wonderful poetry, and you don't need all these interruptions at the ends of the lines. The line end is the pause itself. If you were to write this in longer lines, it would look like this - Verse two

Humans had reached frontiers, of super intelligence, men and women separately, persued varied interests.

This is how it should be written using punctuation -

Humans had reached frontiers of super intelligence. Men and women separately persued varied interests.

So, by removing end punctuation, you will not have to be concerned about proper punctuation.

Still, lovely poetry.
jtkleeme Comment by: jtkleeme - 2007-03-22 10:35
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reminds me of Huxley.
Brave New World
Sankylady20 Comment by: Sankylady20 - 2007-02-06 10:44
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i really loved this poem, I think its different, and thats my favorite thing about it ~ Sarah
VB 16 Comment by: VB 16 - 2007-01-03 00:59
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Hi there SqueakyWheels,

Thank you for your comments. I'm sure Cupid will survive. I'm wishing you a wonderful 2007 since you're online.

Vinay
SqueakyWheels Comment by: SqueakyWheels - 2007-01-02 05:33
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Marvellous stuff, you combine a good sense of humour with great distopian imagery. I only hope cupid survives!
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