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Seperated
Steve and Matt sat on the porch steps, in front of Matt's house, thinking of their weekends ahead.
Steve would see his Step-Mother, who lived in Ann Arbor, who's husbands name was Ted. This Mother was that of his fathers second marriage, the one that failed due to infidelity. She had adopted him during the marriage, and loved him like her own son. He would be leaving his Father and second Step-Mother behind with their two young sons, his Half-Brothers. He missed his first Mother, his Half-Sister, and younger Brother, who lived out in Wichita, Kansas.
Matt was heading by bus to a small town called Redding, in Pennsylvania, to see his adopted Mother and Step-Father. On the way, he would have lunch with his biological Father, who lived with a woman he had never met, and his two Half-Brothers. He was leaving his Half-Sisters house, they shared the same mother, who he had never met. His Sister, who's name was Lilac, had legal guardianship over him, since his adopted Father had left with a woman who was now his other Step-Mother. They lived somewhere in Arizona.
Their school had assigned them a regiment of drugs due to their circumstance. Not because they had any emotional problems, or social issues, but because it was assumed they would, due to their circumstances.
"Matt," said Steve, in a serious tone, one that implies a question to follow. "Do you think there are families that aren't separated, where a dad and mom live with their kids, and have never left each other?"
"I suppose their must be," said Steve in reply,"otherwise our parents would have nothing to break, and we wouldn't be on medication."
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I appreciate the comments, very helpful stuff. I never read the genealogies either (we always called them the 'begats'), until a friend of mine told me what they were for. Though i never realized it, one of the reasons i wrote this the way i did, is the same reason Moses wrote the begats: to show the power of legacy. Of course, mine attests to the frailty of man's legacy, and Moses' attests to the strength of God's.
Thanks again, i love new insights! |
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"on the porch steps, in front of Matt's" omit comma.
"Steve would see his Step-Mother, who lived in Ann Arbor, who's husbands name was Ted." would see her where, when, why? Check bulletin on "passive voice"
"He would be leaving his Father and second" he would be when? and why?
"He would be leaving his Father and second Step-Mother behind with their two young sons, his Half-Brothers. He missed his first Mother, his Half-Sister, and younger Brother, who lived out in Wichita, Kansas." can you say confusing! Too much family listing. In this short of a piece, it's too much and the reader can't care or keep up.
The whole first part reminds me of those parts in the bible that I skip. I think their called genealogies (well, I don't think, I know. But you get the point). |
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| Haha, interesting social commentary and peak into these boys lives. Of course I excpected it to be longer, and I definitly think you could make it longer, sounds like there's an entire story here. |
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Comment by: - 2006-12-25 01:00
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this is a beginning (no more) but a good one.
also needs a merciless editing, but that's YOUR job :) |
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Coming from a several times broken home myself, I can really connect with this.
You did a great job pointing out two modern revolutions that are taking place:
A) The progressive vs. traditional american family. Are the patchwork families of divorce the downfall of the american society or just an expansion of freedom and the definition of 'family'?
B) Our over medicated nation, and especially our youth. What will the long term effects be?
Great job getting into this subject matter without coming off like a "Step-by-Step" rerun. You should definitley expand on this one and see where it goes. |
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