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Bronte.
Whisper me something archaic,
Like silver enchanted horses in a cinderella mist,
Spanish lovers in wuthering dizzying speed,
Ripe apples falling from sunshine-tainted gardens.
Instead, you
Shout me something wanton,
Like sliding over dirty mattresses,
Urgent fuckers in sickening need
Sodden chips soaking in a grey torrent.
i hope you know im only here for my insecurities.
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| I really like some of the lines in this poem - especially "Spanish lovers in wuthering dizzying speed," and (of course!) "Shout me something wanton, / Like sliding over dirty mattresses,". Very nice work on this piece:) |
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Comment by: - 2007-02-12 15:52
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| fabulous word choice. love the imagery here. |
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2007-02-12 14:09
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| The last line was the most poignant here, it was steeped with irony. I enjoyed the imagery of the first verse, but I was lost in the second. Probably just me. |
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Hey,
Great opening line. Very poetic. (I know it's ironic to call something in poem 'poetic' lol)
This is a very expressive and organic write in my opinion. well formated and crafted. It flows together perfectly.
thanks for sharing,
MM |
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You almost had me there Danielle. I thought that the first stanza had really had a ring of Bronte's wording and long floral lines and then Wham! The second stanza has a real earthiness to it...almost raw. This is a really clever piece of self profession where illusions of sweet poppy fields are juxtaposed with cautious and satirical undercurrents of the maturation of youth is like.
This one has me in stiches! |
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