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DancingCorpse18
Tabetha North
United States, Nebraska, Omaha

Words: 81
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Sweet Revenge

You cut me deep
You made me hurt
The blood is draining quickly
Seeping through my shirt
I thought you loved me
But look what you've done
You left me here to die
My revenge will soon come
You will never love again
No, not after this
You'll join in my misery
You'll pay for this
When you least expect it
I'll be there by your side
To take your last breath
Just like you took mine

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Comments  
hulshizer Comment by: hulshizer - 2007-03-27 09:58
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Good old fashioned hands on revenge; I love it. You have some easy flowing, non forced rhyme going for you here. Just a couple of suggestions;

"No, not after this
You'll join in my misery
You'll pay for this"

You ended two lines with the same word in a short poem. I suggest that you either drop the first line, or come up with a new ending for one of them.
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By DancingCorpse18

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