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loved you then love you now
I loved you then and I love you now
I wanted you then and I want you now
When your arm brushes against mine
All I think about is being embraced
=in your strong arms
And feeling your warm lips upon my neck
When your eyes meet mine
I cannot breathe
Then you smile
And my whole body shivers
You tease me
I can't respond
You are my future
You've always been
You always will
I loved you then and I love you now
I am vulnerable
I am weak
Your so strong
Your so collected
I have nothing left
Just a hope
That maybe you'll mean it when I see you smile
And maybe
Just maybe you will take my hand
Draw me in close
Grab me by the chin
Ignore me as I shake and try to push you away
And hopefully you will just kiss me
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Comment by: sadon - 2007-11-04 08:05
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| i liked the poem mostly because i've felt that way..i have and when someone writes how you felt..there's is nothing more to do but smile! :) |
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You are my future
Youâ??ve always been
You always will
the biggest lie. nobody is your future. you are not your future yourself. generally we keep on telling lies as Plato told us centuries ago that we are social man. we are born alone, pass away alone. but let us flounder in these lies. we have to indeed! because there is no alternative otherwise. |
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| I like that you put your feelings "out there", soft and vulnerable. I like the way this is put together. |
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| I really liked thisi poem, And the ways you put your words, Its really good, I enjoyed the read ~ Sarah |
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A little typo: "=in your"
Just a suggestion, I would try not to start lines with And. I do it too, but it usually seems to chop up the flow of a poem in most cases. It seems to do that here: "And my whole body shivers"
Typo: Your so strong
Your so collected
Both should be "you're"
Awesome lines: Draw me in close
Grab me by the chin
Ignore me as I shake and try to push you away
And hopefully you will just kiss me
The only thing I would suggest on that line, is once again the last line starting with "and". It actually seems to have a more powerful ending with "Hopefully you will just kiss me."
Awesome read though all around. I really enjoyed it! |
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