The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it. |
|
 |
 |
 |
| |
Power of Perception
Altered stases takes me places'¦
Narcosis psychosis is breaking down
The perception of reality;
Never losing rationality.
Walking down the backdoor corridor
Of infinite perceptive tangibility
-this place,
Being the tract for all forms of creation
And relativity
Giving conscious conception
Of an idea and manifestation
(individuality
Sculpting reality)
Escalading and reshaping reality.
Establishing new relative conformities
Beyond the line of quantic contingency.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| "individuality sculpting reality" is such a powerful reference. I need to read and reread your work to be able to effectively critique, but that looks as if it will be an enjoyable 'chore'. Trust me, I'll be back...soon and often. |
 |
Comment by: Manda - 2007-01-02 13:20
|
|
Well I enjoy the overall feeling here, the back and forth through perception, reality, what your minds perceives and distorts. I don't believe the last stanza is needed, however. that phrase "Altered stases takes me places" is such a mouthful (I can't find a better phrase) that reading it once in the opening is all my poor brain can handle.
I would keep the individual lines from the final stanza and remove that phrase. It would take some of the 'song' feel out of the poem and give it a more purposeful feel.
I hope that made sense. Trying to be helpful is hard when you can't find the right words, ya know?
fav line:
Walking down the backdoor corridor
Of infinite perceptive tangibility |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
| | Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com |
|
|
|
|
| |
Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S | | |
